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March 26th 2004 at about 6 o’clock in front of 500 of my closest friends, family, faceless strangers and God I made the easiest choice of my life and said “I do” to my girlfriend Katrina and with two little words I became a husband, I gained a wife, my family would be grafted into another family and everyday from that moment forward would be different than everyday I knew before.
I’m not going to lie – getting married is easy – thousands of people do it everyday.
But staying married… that’s a little harder. For every one of those thousands of marriages that happen everyday – there’s a married couple that is going to give up.
Can I be real with you? The problem with Marriage is we think that it’s about us. We think we are going to get married and we will feel complete. The problem with marriage isn’t marriage, it isn’t your spouse, the problem with marriage is us… you and me brother.
See most of us go into marriage looking for what we will get, what our spouses will give us, but we should be looking at marriage as the toughest thing we will ever choose to do, looking at marriage as the thing that we will give the most to.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)
Jesus didn’t love the church because he was going to get something from the church. Jesus loved the church to serve, to heal, to protect, and to give his all to the church. And you know what Jesus got in return for his love? He was cheated on, betrayed, beaten, lied to, murdered, and then betrayed again and again and again. And never once did Jesus quit, give up, bad mouth his bride or look for another option. Jesus loved his church with all He had not because what he got, but because it was what he was called to do, what he chose to do.
You know why I love my wife? Because I said I would. I promised to love her not just to her, or the crowd at our wedding, but to God as well. I said I would love her and I want to be a man that lives up to his promises.
I know what some of you are thinking, because I have sat across from plenty of guys going through a rough spot in their marriage AND I’ve gone through my own rough spots. You are thinking…
But marriage has gotten hard – Yep, but don’t act like hard things are bad.
But she doesn’t respect me – it’s not about how she treats you, but how you respond to her in all situations
But finances are tight – it’s not about the money its about obedience
But with the kids – hey those kids are watching you. Your sons are looking to see how a man does marriage and commitment and your daughters are looking at you as the model for what a husband looks like. Do you want your daughters marrying guys like you? Do you want your sons being husbands like you?
Don’t think I am being a jerk or heartless towards your situation. Trust me brother I am right there with you… in the past 13 years I have had my struggles, my moments of doubts, I’ve asked myself can I do this? My wife and I have yelled at each other, cried with each other, slept in separate rooms, sought advice, got council and prayed many, many times.
Has it been easy? No.
Has it been hard as Hell? Yes at times.
Has it been worth it? Most days.
But lets be real, I am a messed, up selfish, sarcastic, hard to deal with man. And I happened to marry a messed, up selfish, sarcastic, hard to deal with woman. So why would I expect anything besides a messed, up selfish, sarcastic, hard to deal with marriage?
But that’s why I say I have an Unorthodox Marriage.
To learn more about Mike’s Unorthodox life, check out unorthodoxman.com!