Why Republicans Want to Date AOC
Welcome to the Idiocracy—Banana Joe’s Republic, episode 8 of Season 2. I’m your host and President of the I Want to Date AOC Fan Club, Thor Ramsey, fighting the rising tide of wokeness one joke at a time.
That’s our first subject today: Why Republicans Want to Date AOC.
…Okay, give it some time. I’m sure there are some reasons.
She really doesn’t like it when people refer to her as AOC, because she doesn’t know how to pronounce it. “AOCDEFG…”
AOC really shouldn’t feel special about this, because sexually frustrated people will date anybody.
Besides, I don’t think we can date Communists . . . until we’re given permission from Big Brother. And yes, I mean the TV show.
Apparently, this social justice warrior is dating Richie Cunningham now. You can’t get more white than Howdy Dowdy! Conan O’Brien maybe? Ed Sheeran? Pick a pop culture reference you get. All I’m gonna say is, “You better be nice to him, AOC. Don’t injure the ginger.”
In all honesty, AOC is not bad looking . . . when her mouth is closed. Otherwise, she looks like the symbol of the Democratic party.
It is reported that AOC is pregnant, though she said she is going to take a DNA test to make sure the baby is hers. Please post your favorite AOC joke in the comments.
In conjunction with the love lives of the DNC, I have in my hands the diary of Ashley Biden.
That’s the FBI again. Are they deaf? I mean, didn’t they hear the call for “quiet on the set?” How rude.
Now if it’s actually Ashley Biden’s diary, I don’t want to make fun of her. It’s the diary of a 38-year old woman who’s in rehab and I wish her nothing but success in her recovery. But I’m going to continue to make fun of her father, because this guy is destroying the country. I mean, you can love him, Ashley, he’s your dad, but I can understand, you know, why you did drugs. I might do some too if he were my dad. Still, that doesn’t mean I’m cutting you a break, Hunter.
Well, after reading various excerpts, here are my top ten takeaways from Joe Biden’s daughter’s diary. I read it, so you won’t have to. Thank me now in your comments.
First, Project Veritas originally had the diary but didn’t publish it because they couldn’t verify that it was the actual diary of Biden’s daughter. (But that hasn’t stopped me.)
Later, the FBI cuffed a Project Veritas journalist while they searched his home. So, I guess it’s legit after all. Thanks for the confirmation, FBI, enforcement wing of the Biden regime.
Oh, I forgot to mention, as the FBI cuffed the Project Veritas journalist, they also stuffed the First Amendment in his mouth to shut him up. Which is the only reason he couldn’t give the New York Times a quote when they called about this secret investigation one hour later.
Stealing a diary appears to be a federal crime, so, Timmy, don’t do it. All you little brothers, back off.
Stealing a diary appears to be a federal crime whereas the FBI leaking to the New York Times is just standard governmental procedure.
I know you’re not supposed to read someone else’s diary, but the FBI? Really? I stole my sister’s diary when I was a kid and the FBI never got involved. My dad didn’t even care. And that’s why our sponsor Lifelock has a new feature to protect your diary. After you write into it, your words are transposed into Biden speak and nobody can translate that.
What does FBI stand for anyway? Following Biden’s Interests? Finding Biden’s Inconsistencies? Fearing Biden’s Internet?
The diary started “while the author was in a drug rehabilitation facility in Florida.” Going to Florida for drug rehabilitation is a little like going to Diary Queen to lose weight.
In the opening of the diary she wrote that she doesn’t know what the future holds, but now she knows it holds her diary.
One segment of her diary reads, “What is my #1 goal today?” Her answer: “Not smoke a cigarette.” Then she writes: “Do not contact Kenn.” Apparently, Kenn’s a smoker. Then she writes: “Do something fun for self.” Maybe smoke a cigarette. Finally, she writes: “Movie?” Wait. Can you smoke in theaters or not? I’m guessing you can smoke wherever you want if your the President’s daughter and the FBI has a task force looking for your diary.
She has an interesting strategy in her diary for getting over a relationship with some guy named Kenn. And that is to tell herself, “He’s gay.” Personally, that’s how I avoid the temptation of beautiful Bond women. “She’s a lesbian. Otherwise, why wouldn’t she respond to my advances?” That restraining order is just a cry for help.
One of her stated goals in her diary is “committing herself to reality @ all costs.” And we wish that upon the whole Democratic Party, so one day they can know the difference between boys and girls. Or maybe just good and evil.
That’s our show for today. I want to thank our director, Jefferson Drexler, because he never writes about me in his diary, our executive producer, Joel Fieri, our social media master, Danny Avila, and my cowriter Ron McGehee. I’d also like to thank Ron Bass for our new intro graphics.
If you liked this episode, well, your dad’s not Joe Biden, so click like, because you have that to be thankful for. Even if you only found it mildly amusing, click like, because Biden’s our president and mildly amusing is better than crying your eyes out. If you want to fight the rising tide of wokeness in this country, please subscribe, which is like casting a vote for a future without tears. Unless we produce an episode that makes you laugh so hard you cry and then we want to hear about that because our crack team of two writers only spends a couple hours putting an episode together so that would be really amazing if that happened because it’s topical material and doesn’t have much of a shelf life. Thus, the lack of time and effort. But that has more to do with lack of large amounts of cash. You give me a team of twelve writers, several million per episode, a new personality and I guarantee you we won’t be as funny as when we didn’t care because there was no money involved.
I’m Thor Ramsey and I hope you’re less woke America.
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