Twitter In Trouble

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls—welcome to the Idiocracy—Banana Joe’s Republic, episode 11 of Season 2. I’m your host and Lover of Short Sentences, Thor Ramsey, fighting the rising tide of wokeness one joke at a time.

Twitter is in trouble. It’s nice to begin with good news, isn’t it?

Elon Musk, the billionaire, not the men’s cologne, is buying up Twitter stock by the boat load. Yet, he has refused to join the board of directors, because… he didn’t become a billionaire to hang out at the nerd table… Or maybe it’s not that they’re nerds, but that they’re insane. Who wants to mingle with the insane? You know, unless you’re a psychiatrist and they’re heavily medicated. Or is that Twitter’s problem—they’re heavily medicated.

First, let’s look at former CEO Jack Dorsey’s record of free speech abuse —

doesn’t he look like a hip worship leader? Someone formerly on staff at Mars Hill.

“Jack Dorsey just released a new praise album.” That’s why Twitter’s symbol is the Dove… if you squint just right. That’s the name of his solo album Tainted Dove.

Anyway, let’s look at Dorsey’s record of free speech abuse, then we’ll turn to his 12-year old successor. Jack censored the breaking story on the Hunter Biden laptop, a story that turns out was true after all. But since big tech protected Biden, now we all have “yeah, I did that” stickers on our gas pumps.

Then Dorsey banned President Trump from Twitter, but it was too late. He still beat Hillary. He banned the President of the United States. Let that be a lesson for Elon Musk!

Then Dorcey’s successor, Parag Agrawal — he sounds made up — Agrawal — because Seri and Alexa were already taken — he famously said, “Where our role is particularly emphasized is who can be heard.” Let me translate: “We can censor people.”

Oh, but there’s more. He went on, “And so increasingly our role is moving towards how we recommend content … how we direct people’s attention.” Don’t use so many words, Parag. You only need one word to say all that — indoctrination.

During Parag’s first day on the job, he banned the posting of videos or photos taken of people without their consent. “Mr. Floyd, may I post this. I can’t quite hear what you’re saying? Was that a yes? Just blink your eyes twice if I can post this.” George Floyd is just lucky Parag came later or we may have never heard of him.

So, you’re telling me all those women on Hunter Biden’s laptop consented. “I paid for all those with the Big Guy’s money!”

You could post photos of Biden and not get his consent, but you’re not gonna get his denial either. You think Corn Pop consented to that story being told?

Acknowledging that Musk is their largest shareholder, Parag then said, “There will be distractions ahead, but our goals and priorities remain unchanged.” Hey, Twitter, your goals and priorities are the problem!

It was reported, “Elon joining Twitter’s board was contingent on him agreeing not to buy more than 15% of Twitter. Now he’s not joining the board.” You see, folks, there is a price to free speech. And Elon Musk has the money to buy it. Can they ban a board member’s tweets?

Things you can’t tweet on Twitter:

“Boys are not girls.” Which explains why Elon didn’t want to be on Twitter’s board. It’s insane that tweeting reality will get you banned from their alternative universe.

“Stop the steal.” Unless you’re Hillary Clinton, then your tweet about having the election stolen from you is on some kind of loop, which is unfortunate for the lumber industry’s new slogan: “Stop the steal.”

Did you see this headline? Britain’s First Gay Muslim Politician Found Guilty of Sexual Assault on Teen Boy. Yeah, he was immediately offered a job at Disney.

We can only hope Elon Musk’s next purchase will be the big mouse.

Now, just out of curiosity, I took screenshots of things that were trendy on Twitter last night. Here we go.

Killing Eve — Did she eat the apple?

Zooey — I was gonna make a joke about her, but you see that forehead? I don’t wanna be head-butted by that.

And that is why I’ve never met my wife in person.

And this is what put Twitter on the map—Doe-eyed kittens. You’re to blame!

That’s our program for today. For more episodes, visit ChristianPodcastCentral.com.

I want to thank our director, Jefferson Drexler, because I can hear him laughing even though you can’t, our executive producer, Joel Fieri, our social media master, Danny Avila, and my cowriter Ron McGehee. I’d also like to thank Ron Bass for our new intro graphics.

If you liked this episode, well, you’re in good company, if you consider my wife good company. She liked it. So be like my wife and click like. If you want to fight the rising tide of wokeness in this country, please subscribe, because that’s the most meaningful vote of all. Other than marrying me and we’re back to my wife.

I’m Thor Ramsey and I hope you’re less woke, America.

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