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Spring has sprung, which reminds me of a story of just how tough my dad is. The worst winter I ever suffered through was the mega-storm of 1991 in Minnesota. My dad, the toughest person I have ever met, was up shoveling the roof right after the storm (God only knows why). Now, in this particular storm, we received something like nine-feet of snow. My guess is that he was afraid that if left on our roof, the snow would cause the house to collapse. But, before getting on the roof, though, he first cleared a small patch on the sidewalk in front of the house – I guess to make things just a little more dangerous. I’m guessing that if he had more time, he would have laid steel traps and campfires around the house as well. But, he was already late for arctic scuba diving, so he only shoveled the one patch of sidewalk. And wouldn’t you know it – while up on the roof, snow shovel in hand, he slipped and fell off the roof and landed right on the small, cleared patch of concrete.
But, here’s the kicker: He broke his hip in 40 different places – shattered it, really – yet he never lost consciousness! Someday, he’s going to get struck by a two-ton, flaming meteor and merely reply, “Ow. Where’s my hat?”
While many people’s accidents resulted in heart attacks, and other fatalities stemming from men suggesting to their wives that they were going to shovel the roof, my dad suffered the most excruciating of all the non-fatal injuries of that storm. He remained hospitalized for five weeks!
When the mad does something, he never does it half-way!
So, I’d visit him regularly and try to cheer him up. On one such occasion (I am not proud of this day, by the way), he seemed bored in his reclining wheelchair at the hospital. So, to add a little levity, I started “dancing” with him a little bit. I thought it would be a fun distraction and thought I was on the right track when I heard his slight (albeit nervous) giggle. So, with 20 other people watching…
I spun him.
He spun around a few times and spun right into the wall. BOOM! Talk about ruining a moment. Up to that point, he was probably thinking, “Isn’t this nice – my loving son dancing with me in a wheelchair. A tender moment when I am at my weakest.”
BOOM!!
And, I think that may have been the first an only time my dad ever went unconscious.
Next, my old friend Isaac Witty calls into the show to talk about the complexities of life. For instance, Isaac recently bought at $400 car on craigslist. It runs, but it’s already broken down so many times, he had to change the dashboard’s Check Engine light bulb.
But here’s the real issue about the car:
Isaac considers himself very indifferent regarding politics. However, his “new car” came with a political bumper sticker on it. He didn’t want to answer any questions about the statement of the bumper sticker so he worked to remove it from his car. But after ten minutes of trying in vain to get rid of the sticker, he became indifferent about the sticker. The thing just wouldn’t come off!
So now, by default, Isaac Witty is a huge Bob Dole supporter. He loves that guy and has the bumper sticker to prove it. In fact, as I think about it, maybe that’s the key to becoming a successful, long-term politician – invest in bumper sticker adhesive! Convince people to put those “impossible to remove” stickers on their bumpers and watch your support grow over the years, one eternal bumper at a time!
Another interesting moment in Isaac’s life centered around his buddy’s wife’s birthday. His friend was going to throw a big, secret, surprise birthday party for his bride. It was going to be great. He had told everyone about it and made incredible plans. But then he went and accidently spent all the money.
So now, the party is off, and it’s an even bigger secret than ever! We have all been given strict instructions to never ever mention the party that he was going to throw for his wife. She’d be so infuriated if she were to find out, and his only response would be, “Surprise! I spent the money.”
It’s a good thing that the secret is kept safe with a comedian friend who goes on David Letterman and Conan O’Brien and tells the world about it!
Finally, my sainted friend, Sherri Shepherd joins the show. I saw her recently on Fox and Friends with Elisabeth Hasselbeck, and the two of them were simply loving on one another like best friends after Elisabeth shared a recent health scare. It was absolutely heartwarming. I knew they were close after spending six years together on The View, but I had no idea just how close they were.
Apparently they are best friends. Elisabeth was Sherri’s Matron of Honor at her wedding. To this day, they remain dedicated prayer partners. Their kids are about the same age, and they dine together regularly – even when Hasselbeck makes her gluten-free spaghetti. (Now, that’s love)
Sherri’s latest project is now out on DVD – Chris Rock’s “Top Five” with Adam Sandler, Whoopie Goldberg, Cedric the Entertainer, J.B. Smoove, Rosario Dawson, Gabrielle Union, and every single other friend of Chris Rock’s.
In addition to her gigs on television and film, she also has recently spent time on Broadway starring as the Evil Stepmother in Cinderella. Who knew someone so sweet and nice could convincingly play the Evil Stepmother! But, according to Sherri, it’s all about understanding her character’s issues. She’s just been having a terrible, terrible day and can’t stop herself from ripping up her stepdaughter’s dress. It’s understandable when you consider how hard the Stepmother has to work just to keep her wig on, and her dress zipped all while singing in tune. It’s enough to lock up Cinderella in the attic!
Finally, you can see Sherri’s latest effort on the Food Network. She will be hosting and producing a show called “Faith and Food”. Sherri will be going across the country, talking with restaurant owners and learning how they have fused together their faith and their food.