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I hate taxicab meters. From the backseat of a cab, I can’t take my eyes off of them, and It’s like watching my wallet die a slow death. I sometimes feel like my gaze is the only thing keeping it from running amuck!
“OK, it says $12.95 right now, but if I look away and look back, it will read $20,000. And then what? It’ll be too late to get dropped off at that point and pay less!”
Plus, I think cabbies have a sense about me. They know just by looking at me that I don’t have a clue about where I need to go, or how to get there. Therefore, they can milk me for all I’m worth, taking the route that runs through the desert plains to get from a metropolitan airport to the airport hotel. Who knew that going six blocks could take several hours… imagine if it were rush hour!
Also, taxis don’t smell very good. I think that’s actually how they decide how to differentiate between a taxicab and a towncar: Whoops! I just spilled a can of pickled Spam in the backseat of my towncar… it is now a cab! That’s much easier than just cleaning the mess up.
And don’t get me started on the drivers. Now, I don’t mean to disparage all cab drivers (well, maybe I do). But, they can be more than a little bit unfriendly. I had a cab driver yell at me because I needed him to take me on a three-mile trip.
“I waited two hours to get a customer… for this?!?!”
Next, my good friend Leslie Townsend joins the fun to share some of her stories on how to make it through life. According to Leslie, when you’re a stay at home mom – which is by far the hardest job on the planet – it doesn’t matter what you do at the house, you are still the doormat. They come through the door, and they wipe their feet on you, and as you cry out, “Please, could you just talk to your mother!” they holler, “What’s for dinner, Mom!”
Leslie wonders if stay-at-home moms actually fantasize about going to a job each day and communicating with actual human beings… or to just have the opportunity to take a peaceful shower. Basic hygiene is what we’re talking about – the top item on every stay at home mom’s Christmas list.
It wasn’t until Leslie’s fifth year of being a stay at home mom, that the miracle she had been praying for actually happened. She had enlisted the prayerful help of the intercessors and prayer warriors at her church for years, and it finally happened! After five years of diligence… a school bus came to her house! It was driven by an angel of the Lord, and he told Leslie, “I’m going to pick your son up at 8:00 in the morning and bring him back at 3:00 in the afternoon… and it won’t cost you a thing.” Sadly, he only came by on weekdays. Which just goes to show that God does answer the prayers of a diligent woman… at least Monday through Friday.
Finally, my buddy Keith Alberstadt calls into the show to simply shoot the breeze and talk about this year’s cold snaps. He’s from Tennessee and used to be offended when people would laugh at him as he complained about the cold weather. But now he lives in New York and he truly knows what real cold is. There’s a whole new level of cold as you cross north of Maryland. For example, in New York, people know how to drive in the ice and snow. In Nashville, people will simply abandon their SUV’s in the median, jump out of their cars and run screaming into a ditch – they just don’t know what to do when the mercury drops. Those who can will seek shelter in a grocery store, but there’s no rationing, so they will horde all the milk and bread that their bank accounts will allow. The schools in Nashville close whenever there is simply a “threat” of snow.
Keith’s latest news is the potential of a semi-autobiographic situation comedy based on his life in college football radio. While in school, Keith’s alma mater was so bad that they started the college tradition of punting on second down. Luckily, the show he’s working on focuses on the comedy of college football more than his personal tragedies.