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From the USA Today:

An Indiana attorney who hates socks and has a habit of appearing in court with bare feet stuffed into his shoes faces possible sanctions if he shows up without them again in court.

In a directive issued in an August 26 court order, Blackford Circuit Judge Dean A. Young addresses Todd Glickfield’s courtroom fashion faux pas and explains the court decorum policy and the judge’s authority to set rules, including a dress code.

“It strikes me that the judge is entirely within his authority to require that the attorney wear socks in the courtroom,” said Maureen B. Collins, a professor at the John Marshall Law School in Chicago, who teaches a class in lawyering skills.

There’s a class in lawyering skills? Spell check even questions the validity of the word “lawyering”!

Collins said socks are well within the definition of “proper business attire” proscribed by the local rules. She added Glickfield seems more interested in his own comfort than how he presents himself on behalf of his client.

“While he may fancy himself the Matthew McConaughey of the Indiana Bar, this attorney should recognize that socks are part of the uniform worn by attorneys to demonstrate a respect for the formality of the courtroom and for the people whose lives are impacted by the decisions made in it,” Collins said. “In my opinion, the attorney should grow up and put on a pair of socks.”

Now, in typical lawyer fashion, since the judge wasn’t specific, I can totally see Glickfield showing up in court wearing outrageous socks on his hands.

What’s next, kilts being outlawed in courts of law?

Then, my good friend Bob Smiley joins the show to talk about a recent encounter he had at the local donut shop. He saw this eight-year-old, pale, redhead kid drop his donut outside the store and he started to cry. Who knows why this thought popped into my 40-something-year-old, pale redhead comedian friend, but the next thing that happened was Bob ran up to the kid and said, “Hey, I’m you from the future. Thanks for making that time machine!” and he ran off. Changed that kid’s day immediately!

And speaking of changing someone’s life, Bob recently got to hang out with the rock band KISS! Now, keep in mind that as a boy, Bob wasn’t allowed anywhere near the “Knights In Satan’s Service”. So, when he was first presented with the opportunity to see them at a small, private show, he immediately thought of how disappointed his parents would be if he went. Then he showed the invitation to his wife, who quickly said, “Cool! I’ll go get ready!”

The show was surreal – the audience of 50 KISS fans paid $1,500 each to get into this small room to hear an intimate acoustic set… by KISS! Sitting right in the front row, Bob wound up three feet away from Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons. (But he couldn’t look them in the eye, for fear that they would capture his soul and send it to the depths of hell). It would have been incredibly enjoyable for Bob, had he even known a single verse of any song that the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame band has ever recorded. The evening’s highlight came before the show, when Bob and his wife got some one-on-one time with Paul Stanley.

As Bob’s wife caught Paul’s eye, Paul said, “Whoa! Who is this?”

Bob replied, “That’s my incredibly beautiful wife.”

Without skipping a beat, Paul shot back, “You’re lucky I don’t live in your neighborhood.”

Now, an Evangelical Christian to the core, Bob saw this as an opportunity to share the Gospel of Jesus with these “Satan Worshipers”. But then next thing he knew, his wife and Paul Stanley were swapping stories of what it’s like to parent toddlers – how to properly work a diaper genie, sterilizing pacifiers, potty training…

Which made him wonder, what kind of pacifier does KISS’s kid have? Does it have a tongue sticking out below the baby’s chin?

But, Bob just couldn’t find a way to move the conversation to Jesus. Plus he was scared. He didn’t want to make them mad. And he didn’t want one of them to spit blood all over his white shorts and blue Natalie Grant t-shirt.

Before he knew it, the band was about to take the stage, and Bob’s opportunity had run out.

Bob simply waved and said, “Hey, have a good show!”

Paul then turned around and replied, “We will, man. God has really blessed us and continues to allow us to play in front of some great crowds.”

And then he just disappeared.

Just goes to show, you can never tell a book by its cover or a rocker by his face make up and blood dripping from their chin.

Finally, Bob Nelson takes a break from hobnobbing with the likes of Jerry Seinfeld, Jay Leno, and David Letterman to join our little show. Bob was actually Rodney Dangerfield’s opening act for several years. According to Bob, Rodney was just as funny and sharp-witted off stage as he performed on stage. But, what Rodney loved about Bob’s act was that he didn’t cuss at all. That way, with Bob working totally clean, Rodney could come out and knock them out of their seats with his raunchy jokes. Then next thing he knew, Rodney and him worked together for over half a decade!

But why work clean? According to Bob, he never really felt comfortable cursing on stage. His brand of comedy is much more physical, “clowny” even, using props, characters, and silliness more than wit or sarcasm.

But the moment that inspired him to totally go clean was a night when he was sitting in Las Vegas with the one and only Red Skelton. Bob told Red how much he appreciated his hall-of-fame comedy and how he wished that he could have been born earlier and they could be contemporaries. Red replied, “Oh, that wouldn’t be good. The world needs comics like you now”

Bob then told him how he simply didn’t feel very comfortable around so many of the other comics of his day, and Red told him the reason why was because he’s not a comedian.

This struck Bob right between the eyes. “What?”

“You see, you’re a clown, just like me, but you don’t belong to a circus, so you’re just borrowing their stage when they’re not on it.”

That was incredibly liberating for Bob!

Later that night, Red invited Bob and his wife backstage after the show and Red encouraged him once again. “I’m so proud of you, Bob, because you don’t curse in your act. You see, laughter does good like a medicine. And when you curse in your comedy, it’s like putting poison in your medicine, and it doesn’t have the healing effect that it’s supposed to.”

And that’s when the legendary Red Skelton passed the torch of clean comedy to Bob Nelson.

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