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From the Associated Press: A Lincoln Nebraska toddler was stuck inside a claw machine. Authorities say that a local boy was reunited with his mother after employees found him playing inside a claw machine at a bowling alley. Lincoln Police say that a 24-year-old woman called 911 because her three-year-old son was missing from their apartment. Employees at the bowling alley across the street meanwhile, called the police to say that a small boy was playing with stuffed animals inside the coin operated machine. The police put two and two together and solved the issue, but imagine if they hadn’t:
“No, we can’t bother with your claw machine problem! We have a child that is missing!!”
The article says that it was unclear how the boy ended up inside the claw machine.
Really? Unclear?? He climbed through the prize door. We’ve all tried it.
Then, comedian Liz Thompson joins the show to discuss the difference between being introverted or just really, really lazy.
Liz has been telling people for years that she’s an introvert, so therefore she couldn’t attend certain get-togethers or events. But, upon further review, she realized that her “introversion” has increased after signing up for a Netflix account. Perhaps there’s a correlation.
On a similar note, Liz wonders: Have you ever burped and it makes you question all of your life choices? Like, if it’s 9:00 am on a Sunday morning and you burp up a Tostinos Pizza Roll. It’s hard to avoid the wave of shame that follows. Face the facts: Tostinos is not breakfast food. It’s hardly actual, regular food. Yet, it still tastes kinda good (even on the way back up); and it makes you wonder just where are you headed in life.
Or maybe it’s just Liz’s creative side taking over and blessing others through laughter supersedes typical morning nutrition.
Finally, May was National BBQ Month. And because warm weather means outdoor grilling across the country, it’s definitely time to fire up the briquettes. So why is it that so many men despise cooking in the kitchen, but enjoy cooking up burgers or steaks outside? For that answer, we turn to “The Know It All Guy”:
According to The Know It All Guy, this masculine culinary phenomenon is nothing new. It goes all the way back to Genesis. Not Adam and Eve – they were pretty much vegan (you can imagine Eve chastising Adam, “God told you to name the animals, not maim the animals”) – but to Noah.
You can imagine that after 40 days and 40 nights, Noah and his sons were quite tired of eating nothing but cashews and garbanzo beans while aboard the ark. They had to be ready for some serious steak! This huge carnivorous appetite and all those animals hanging around is quite the combo (platter)!
So, two of the brothers (Shemp and Moe) grabbed one of the unicorns and slaughtered it – hence, no more unicorns – and then cut it up into your various cuts of roasts, ribs, sirloins, etc. The wives then came along, took a look at that hideous mess and decided to stick with the Caesar Salad.
Meanwhile, Noah’s third son, Ham, set about grinding up the meat byproducts into something more uniform, unrecognizable, and therefore edible. Hence the creation of the world’s first “Ham-Burger”.
Thus, raw meat became a staple at the Noah household.
Thankfully (according to the movie), the rock people were around again to not only show Noah how to build an ark, but also to build a fire. Otherwise mankind would have been wiped out by salmonella. It was the youngest of the rock people, Kid Rock, that lit his arm on fire. You know how kids are – he was double-dog-dared by Ham’s son, Hibachi. They had a magnifying glass, it was sunny… the rest is an age-old tale.
Anyway, the idea then spread like… wildfire! Soon, all the rock people were all lit up, and Shemp got an idea. He got a sledge hammer and crushed the rock people into little nuggets – nuggets we now know as charcoal briquettes. Hence, no more rock people.
And, thus, men have gotten fired up during the summer over charred meat byproducts.
For more family-friendly comedy, check out the Daren Streblow Comedy Show.