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My good buddy, Bob Smiley, learned a valuable lesson today at the food court – not everyone holding a tray with food on it is handing out free samples! Soon thereafter, he also learned how to properly ice a bruise. I guess it’s true what they say… a lifelong process of learning keeps us out of the hospital and out of jail (unless you’re Bob Smiley).
Bob has started dating again, but it seems as if he missed a memo. He can’t understand at all how, when or why all the single women over 40 collectively decided to go crazy.
For instance, on his first date, things seemed to be going well… he was telling jokes, she was laughing, all seemed right. Then she said:
“Oh my goodness… You’re so funny! I’m laughing so hard my sides are hurting! Let’s write letters to our future children and tell them how we were thinking on our first date.”
Just a bit too much too soon.
Then there’s social media today. Now, Bob understands our culture’s need for Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat… how else would we know what women’s feet look like in front of an ocean? If we didn’t have those photos or pictures of cats… how would our society function? But, seriously… as Bob puts it… shouldn’t these gals take care of their “little piggies” before they post them all over their timelines?
Cell phones have added a new dimension to dating, too. When we were teenagers meeting women, we didn’t have these digital obstacles. Last week, while out with a beautiful lady, Bob instantly annoyed her when he kept looking at his phone. He tried to explain:
“Look, I’ve got three kids at home and when they need me, I need to be able to take their call or respond to their texts.”
She replied, “So, the Angry Birds have to kill all those pigs before you get to your kids’ text messages?”
And finally, Bob has a message for all the single women out there: Don’t ever say that you don’t care where you go out to eat and then complain, “I don’t like Chuck E. Cheese!” It’s just not consistent.
Bob has some learning to do.
Up next, funnyman Andy Beningo joins the show!
Besides being hilariously entertaining, Andy is simply an amazing guy. You can hear for yourself just how funny he is by checking out his latest project. It’s called Quiet Coyote and available with just a couple clicks!
Recorded in Ann Arbor, Andy reflects on the days when he was a substitute teacher. One of the lessons he learned about other people’s children is that they are all evil. He also learned that in the Teachers’ Lounge, while all the full-full time teachers were complaining about their kids, the substitute teachers were simply blown away that free donuts were available! For a brief moment, Andy thought that he had discovered the world’s greatest profession.
Until he made the leap into being a full-time comedian!
Being out on the road has its drawbacks, though. For instance, on a recent trip to Oklahoma, Andy had a terrible time trying to fill the “dead hours” in between gigs. It’s not like he could just run out to the beach, or go on a mountain hike, or do much of anything while killing time in OK.
But, he does enjoy learning more about our land’s history as he travels from city to city. For example, while in North Carolina, he took in the sights at the Wright Brothers National Memorial in Kill Devil Hills and then cruised over to Roanoke Island, which was home to one of England’s first colonies in America, founded by Sir Walter Raleigh. For a history buff like Andy, little historical nuggets like these are (nearly) all he needs in life!
He also loves Presidential trivia.
Did you know that, according to stories, President William Howard Taft was so obese that he got stuck in the White House bathtub? Image what those poor Secret Service Agents went through to deal with that situation.