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We suffered a pretty terrible storm in my neck of the woods a couple weeks ago: 100 mph straight-line winds, torrential rain, the whole bag of cats and dogs! Where we live, we were spared most of the devastation, but several o four family and friends who live closer to town were hit hard – massive destruction, no electricity for two weeks, trees uprooted, homes and cars totaled.
Personally, my greatest loss was a week with no internet connection!
My producer / eldest son was grieving like a distraught mourner… unable to get onto YouTube or PokemonGo! But, in all seriousness, the web is information highway is the main road we use for our livelihood these days, and the road was shut down for a week!
But, the worst part was that I didn’t have anyone to complain to about our loss.
Everyone that I would bump into had a much worse story than my world-wide-woes.
“I’ve had no internet for a week.”
“Oh yeah… I’ve had no electricity or running water for seven days! Everything in my freezer is thawed and inedible now – I lost 600 pounds of frozen beef patties. I’m never going to be able to barbecue again, Daren! All my pet penguins had to be hospitalized, Daren! I had every ice sculpture that I have ever made since I was three-years-old stored in my freezer – including my 1/10 scale frozen model of the entire block on Sesame Street – it’s all melted away now! But you lost internet… let me give you a big hug, you big clueless weirdo!”
“Sorry I brought it up.”
But, it’s not just my neighbors and family who have suffered this storm. It seems like everyone everywhere has this compulsion to one-up each other.
“How’s it going, Daren?”
“Ahh… it’s been a little rough. We been without internet for like ten days.”
“Yeah? Three kidney stones – one of which got misdirected, infected, and landed in my ear! Why don’t you grow up, Daren?! I don’t think we can be friends anymore!”
“Ouch!”
It’s as if when someone has a problem that is admittedly worse than yours, then your problem ceases to exist. You’d think that we’d be happy about that – we’d have no more problems – but we’re not. In fact, as Ethan suggests, from now on, I’m going to make up something worse – an ultimate disaster trump card that I can whip out whenever someone tries to one-up me!
“Hey, Daren, my life is in shambles…”
“Oh yeah, well I’m a stand up comedian, so there!”
“Oh… never mind… my life is suddenly not so bad.”
Next, my buddy and pal Brother Preacher joins the show with an update from his church.
They have recently implemented a new “Joy Bus” at his church. It’s a giant school bus with the words “Joy Bus” printed on the sides that goes around town, picks up the neighborhood kids and brings them to church on Sundays.
To augment their Joy Bus, Brother Preacher has added something that has really excited his town. Just like most Sunday School programs, they fill up the kids with cookies, Kool Aid, puppet shows and fun songs – basically all the tools you’d use to control a group of wild chimpanzees.
The exciting part is when – after getting the children all riled up – they allow the kids to drive the bus!
It may sound crazy, but it really resonates throughout the community. People are taking notice and talking about Brother Preacher’s church like never before!
It’s setting his congregation apart from all the others. No other church is even dreaming of doing such a thing… or buying enough insurance to pull off such an act!
Like they say – there’s no such thing as bad publicity.
Then again, Brother Preacher has received his fair share of criticism. But, he has an even approach to all of his critics out there – a quick, sharp karate chop to the neck. They don’t teach that technique at those fancy Bible schools out there!
Brother Preacher abides by a unique type of spiritual guidance… pray and ask God for direction in life, and if He doesn’t answer, just do what you want!
Now, there are times when God leads loudly and clearly. And then there are times when Brother Preacher, left to his own, comes up with some great ideas… like the Joy Bus and karate chops for critics!
It’s exciting!
As Brother Preacher puts it, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. And if life gives you melons… you are dyslexic.