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People who work at the grocery store make me feel stupid; specifically when I ask them where stuff is.
“Excuse me, good sir! Could you direct me to the canned peaches?”
*Groans* “Aisle six, center, south side, third shelf from the top, latitude 44.08, longitude 108.75. Duh.”
I don’t appreciate being treated that way, so I go to those discount super center super stores.
“Excuse me, good sir! Could you direct me to the canned peaches?”
“I don’t know! Do we sell stuff here? Don’t even talk to me; I’m on break until Christmas!”
No peaches for me.
Do you ever get to the meat section, ring for the butcher, and wait for him for ten minutes? What’s he doing back there?
A few weeks ago, I was in the grocery store and my cart was almost full. I was going to go check out when an older lady got confused and pushed away my cart full of groceries, thinking it was hers. How do you handle that gracefully?
I sort of just followed her around, not knowing what to do. I thought about waiting for her to turn around and take off with the cart. But, then I thought she’d call security.
If I were to say, “Those groceries are mine, lady!” she’d think that I was stealing her groceries. So, I just took the cart she left behind.
“Why did you buy so many jars of prunes?”
“I don’t know. It was just destiny, I guess.”
I hate when people jack knife their grocery cart in the middle of the aisle, blocking traffic from both direction, while they read ingredients for white rice. I wish I could anonymously call a grocery cart wrecker to tow carts away. Then, they could have their art back after they paid their fee at the tow lot. That’s what happens when you drive irresponsibly in the grocery store.
When did breakfast cereal get so outrageously expensive? It’s just dry wheat and powdered sugar. I can’t afford Caviar-ios.
Have you ever gone to the grocery school when it’s practically empty. No lines. No competition. You’re parked by the door. Once I was in that situation and I said to a fellow shopper, “Isn’t it great! No other shoppers. No weird, creepy people talking to you.”
Next I meet up with Jonnie W in Phoenix, Arizona. We’re doing a fundraiser together at the Virginia G. Piper Performing Arts Center at Xavier College for Laugh for Hope, raising money to help women in crisis pregnancies.
Jonnie has an upcoming project called Not My Cup of Tea, which is to hopefully be released in about a month.
Jonnie has worn a lot of hats, ranging from touring with Tim Hawkins as a guitarist to working as a young adult pastor, but he began his comedy career eight years ago. Admitting that comedy is, in a sense, a way to monetize his insecurity, he considers his audience a pharmacy that give him pills of love and acceptance that help him get through the rest of the day. Really though, he sees the audience as a friend and realizes that he’s their for them. They’re not just there to give him acceptance. He has to deliver or else they won’t keep showing up.
Jonnie’s faith also contributes a lot to his comedy. There are certain boundaries he simply doesn’t cross. He has freedom in Christ and can say what he wants to say, but there are still things he feels like he shouldn’t say. Simply put, he’s a clean comic. He thinks comedy is all in the details and the reveal and that if you just say the most provocative things, you have nowhere to go.
Jonnie has also matured a lot as a comic over the past eight years. He has become a lot more vulnerable with his comedy. Before, comedy was like a shield to him. Now, he’s more comfortable revealing his embarrassments. Soon, his show might be just those embarrassments.
To find more of Jonnie’s work, visit www.jonniew.com.