“I just remember loading my syringe stronger and stronger each time, just wanting a way out of this, and the only way for me was to kill myself.”
For Anthony, the abandonment of his earthly father led him to seek comfort in the atmosphere of gay bars and the rollercoaster high of designer drugs. After hearing the gospel, the darkness that shrouded Anthony’s life was overtaken by the true hope and new life found in Jesus.
“I was born and raised in Brooklyn, NY. And, my mom and dad divorced when I was young. So, I remember my mom, many times, begging for money from my dad. He had left my mom and wouldn’t support his children. So, to me, that was a huge form of rejection.
So, through my growing up years, I was always looking for acceptance. And, the way that I would find acceptance was to go out to gay bars and hanging our and doing designer drugs. When I was doing drugs, I felt a lot more comfortable in my skin. Because while I was on drugs, I was in a place where everybody liked one another and everything was cool.
Eventually, I got a job working for a hair color manufacturer. While there, I got to travel the world and do a lot of different things, and I became very successful. Through my success, I felt that acceptance by people wanting to know who I was, what I had to offer, and people wanted to see what I knew.
All this attention really filled me up, almost to the point where I was very prideful. And, all the while, I didn’t know Jesus.
I remember working at a hair conference. And, the night before, I was online with this guy and I invited him over to my hotel room; and when he arrived, he offered me some crystal meth. My motto was “I’ll try anything once!… (or twice just to make sure I didn’t like it)” and I had tried just about every other drug at that point, so why not?
So, when I was getting high that night, this feeling came over me. I felt like I could conquer the world at that point. And then the night turned into morning and the morning turned into afternoon, and without realizing it, I had completely missed the conference that I was supposed to speak at.
As a result, I ended up losing my job.
I quickly fell into a spiral of depression. I couldn’t believe that I had just lost my job. And, instead of realizing where I went wrong, I went further into the drug world. Crystal meth had become a huge part of my life by this point. I was snorting or smoking it five to six times a day. It had become my god. While I was high, I was having a great time, I was popular. All the things related to acceptance that I had longed for were finally in my grasp. It even got to the point where I was using when I was alone.
And, while I knew there was a God, I had no idea how God would factor into my life or what my responsibilities to God were.
I just remember loading my syringe stronger and stronger each time, just wanting a way out of this, and the only way for me was to kill myself. So, after many botched attempts at suicide, I was a total wreck.
I wound up getting busted for possession.
Yet, in God’s sovereignty, He provided a way out. After several unique court cases, I ended up being released.
I was living in Florida at the time, and I received an invitation to a wedding for people that I didn’t even know. I knew the brother of the groom, but I didn’t know anyone else. I had no family in town. I felt as if I had nothing.
Yet, it was as if something was calling me… compelling me to go to the wedding. And, I found that being unknown, instead of striving to be known, was nice. I liked it. In fact a week later, I moved to the town where the wedding was held.
What I didn’t know was that for nearly two years, an old friend and her Bible study group had been praying for me. And, when I finally made my way through the doors of her church, I introduced myself and I was instantly surrounded by people who said they knew who I was because they had been praying for me for so long. That acceptance that I had so longed for and an overcoming joy washed over me. It was incredible.
So, I was sitting in the sanctuary and the worship set began. Then, all of a sudden, I felt a calm and a peace. That’s when I realized something, and I prayed:
‘Lord… You have this!’
I realized that I had been bought with a price. And, my body is not my own. I have to treat my body as a temple. I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives within me. And now, I live my life for the Lord.
I’ve been sober for three years now. I’ve also been celibate for three years. And all that I had and did back then is nothing compared to the life that the Lord has given me today. He has allowed me to become the man that He has created me to be.
So, I sit here today as a man who is in love with Jesus. I just want to proclaim His Name and share the Gospel with anybody I can!”
The Austin Stone Story Team is a community of artists who tell stories of gospel transformation. We are photographers, writers, editors, filmmakers, and musicians on a common mission to use our gifts for His glory.
(By The Austin Stone Story Team. Discovered by e2 media network and our community — copyright is owned by the publisher, not e2 media network, and audio is streamed directly from their servers.)
