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“How do I break this pattern in my life,” A commonly asked question with clients who are looking for change.
- “You have to step out of your comfort zone, that familiar, cozy place of dysfunction, and be willing to purposely change; make new decisions.” I coached.
With his head down, looking up at me, and a smile on his face, “Surely that should be easy, but I am afraid I will fail, ” he said.
- “Do you want to stay on this merry-go-round of failed relationships?” I questioned.
“Of course I don’t, but then again maybe, just maybe, I use these failed relationships as an excuse to stay where I am because I really don’t want to change“, he confessed.
“Wow, did I just say that?”, he continued.
And on it goes. Do we really want to change or are we just making excuses to stay in that old comfortable place rather than venture into the virtual unknown with God?
Change is hard. I think we can agree on that.
- I, personally, would rather try sleeping on a bed of nails than to change. Even when I know it is what I am being asked to do by Jesus.
It is not an easy process and many times we fall flat on our face at our first attempts to make a change.
When you’re in the process of changing, sometimes you will fall back into old patterns and sometimes you’re going to lose your way and wonder why you’re trying in the first place.
- So, here’s my reminder for you:
Old stuff will come up. What matters is you recognize them as old patterns.
- Patterns that, if not broken, you will live in the rest of your life.
Before, you let these patterns run you – and you let them run you blindly–but now it takes a quality decision to focus on your goal for change.
- Now that you see them, trust God to help you make the change. Ask Him to remind you when you start to fall back.
Stuff will continue to come up. Old patterns die hard. But seriously do you want to live in the same spot the rest of your life?
- Then we choose differently.
Trust the King who made you to guide you and show you how to surrender that part of yourself that even you don’t understand and help you to change your choices.
I believe in you.
Most of us can agree that at some point in the day, we come up against a battle. The battle between what we know we truly want to do (what is from our soul) and what our weakness desires to do (from our fears/ego).
It can be something simple that brings about this “everyday struggle”. An everyday struggle can be the choice to eat that delish and healthy steamed veggies and fish dish vs. eating the processed junk food. Or something perhaps more severe.
Perhaps your everyday struggle is choosing that hit of the drug again versus going to that twelve-step meeting. Or choosing between shining or hiding your truth out of fear.
Once we begin to perceive our struggles as opportunities for Jesus’ guidance, the struggles become opportunities to strengthen your faith even deeper in that particular area.
We all have an everyday struggle that we face. Paul said in Romans 7:15:
“I don’t understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate. I know perfectly well that what I am doing is wrong…I often find that I have the desire to do good, but not the power.”
This resonated with me so much. How many times have you had the desire to do good but felt you didn’t have the power to do it?
Verse 23 goes on to say,
“But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.”
On a day to day basis we come up against those fears of “do I have the power to do this?” I discovered through my own journey, that when I comfort those fears with truth, the fears diminish and truth and courage rise.
What is that truth? Love is more powerful than fear, always!
When a struggle or obstacle arises in our minds where the warfare takes place, I ask Jesus to: give me the strength to deal with this obstacle and struggle through His power and not my own. I ask Him to give me the words, the energy, the actions to do this with confidence and love and peace. Sometimes I am instantly filled with that power, and the revelation that I can lean into Him and He will be my strength and my guide in this journey of change.
- If you stop fighting it, another plus emerges. You begin to learn who you really are. A divine daughter and son of the King of Kings and He is the one who propels you to great heights in the Spirit.
In accepting and remembering who we truly are, we allow our smallness to diminish and our greatness in Him to really come forth.
Then, you can step out in faith and in truth not in fear and insecurity. Love does that.
- You need not do anything to prove your worth, you simply are How amazing is that?
In remembering these truths, you are filled with energy, confidence, purpose, and the strength to move through the struggle and the obstacle. You are filled with all the power you need to continue to be willing to choose what is good for you.
Remember, you already have what you need.
- All the love you desire is within you through His power.
- Feel it, remember it, move with it.
All struggles are opportunities for you to practice remembering who you really are and how to step back from the wheel and turn it over to Him. When you remember this truth, you are unstoppable, miracles flow, and everything becomes a beautiful journey with deeper growth and joy.
- Today, remind yourself of who you already are. Strong, brave, powerful, divine.
Now go out there and change!