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I have the pleasure once again to be joined by my father-in-law, Bob Erickson. And, as we discuss “Real Stuff My Father-In-Law Says”, we look at Bob’s secret to parenting well.
According to my father-in-law, it’s not what he and his wife did so much as who they were, as parents. Bob and Teresa’s love fort heir kids never hinged on the kids doing (or not doing) anything, but instead was unconditional- even through failures as much as through successes. Character – who they were – was always much more valued than any achievements.
But, is it realistic to value all of your kids in such a unique way that they are perpetually feeling loved and cherished?
Well, when we change our perspective to one of: My role as a dad is to appropriately guide and direct my kids as well as making sure that each of them are secure in my love for them”, then it is realistic.
In other words, my kids should always know that in any circumstance, they can flee to me.
You see, when you love them in such a way that they never have to go out in search for love and acceptance from someone else, then the odds are greatly decreased that they will find themselves in regrettable situations in their pursuit to fill that void in their heart.
If they live without fear of retribution or condemnation, they’ll feel freer to go after their heart’s goals and risk failure when they know that their home is a safe house. Because their father’s pride doesn’t come as a result of their success or failure, but is rooted in their character.
This doesn’t mean that a successful parent does not discipline their children. But, all discipline needs to be geared toward developing their character. And even while the discipline is taking place, it’s important that the kids feel that they are still loved, liked and wholly accepted for who they are.
We all – even our children – have a need to be loved, valued and even sheltered at times. The question becomes, “Where will your kids find this? Will it be from their parents or from someone else?” Because eventually, they will go running in search of it if these needs are not fulfilled at home.
When they know that they can find that love, value and acceptance at home – when they know that their character is valued as the utmost priority – then their decisions tend to reflect an appreciation of that trust and respect that you give them.
All of this pertains to your kids no matter if they are boys or girls or toddlers or teenagers – no matter who they are or how old they are, they need their dad’s love, respect, acceptance and guidance.
But, how do we love each of our children individually, so that they don’t have to go running around looking for love?
It’s not easy, but its complexity doesn’t need to be an obstacle.
Instead, show your love and appreciation for them at all times, throughout the context of life. Acknowledge – OUT LOUD – how you view them in the context of their life experiences (activities at school, relationships with friends, sports, etc.)
This attitude toward parenting, coupled with speaking their individual love language (words of affirmation, receiving gifts, acts of service, quality time and physical touch), as well as recognizing what each child’s unique characteristics are will pay off tremendous dividends!!
Lastly, it is never too early nor too late to begin to relate, understand and express your love and value for your children – so start today!