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This week, as we continue our conversation with Marvin “Merv” Mattair, we dive into our role, as parents, in raising our kids to be amazing young men and women, despite and within the ever-changing culture they are surrounded with… especially in regards to dating.
Merv is a firm believer in creating a respectful atmosphere at home. What we, as parents, say and do around them and how we treat them will directly affect what they are attracted to as they grow older. So, even when his daughter was young, he made it his business to be like the ADT Home Alarm warning sign in front of their home.
Instead of having ADT, Merv made sure that his daughter had DAD around the house at all times. And he noticed, without a doubt, that the young men who wanted to date his daughter respected that.
He realized right away that by standing alongside his daughter, having a healthy relationship with her at all times, starting at a very young age, Merv was able to protect her from all kinds of bad decisions, influences, and people. Too often are dads removed from the picture, and little girls are hurt, abused, and even molested by old, nasty uncles, freaky little cousins, perverted coaches… the list goes on and on. And it often begins because there is no daddy at home willing to stay there and protect her. But, when kids can grow up without the fears, anxieties, and brokenness resulting in abuse, molestation and rape on their minds and in their hearts, then she can become an amazing woman, wife and mother without any of these hindrances holding her back. Plus, she will be attracted to a man who resembles her dad – someone with fortitude and who will protect her and their kids.
How do you do this?
Be active in their lives and their decisions. Don’t just allow them to go spend the night at some friend’s house without first getting to know that kid’s parents and inspecting their home. Pay attention to the people they are surrounding themselves with, the places they are going, and the things they are doing. Sit down with them regularly and have open discussions about life – theirs and yours – with them.
You may think they are too young to be dealing with such things, but what they are filling their minds with as children, and the atmosphere you are allowing and creating in your own home, will shape their decisions as adults.
We need to make the most out of the 157,680 hours that we have with our kids before they become adults. If we don’t take that time seriously, we can’t expect them to live up to all the potential that God has instilled within them. They may still get there, but without their father’s protection, instead of getting there at 19 years old, they are burdened with 10-15 years of baggage stunting their development.
Even when your kids are teenagers and lash out, telling you that you are ruining their lives, deep down in their hearts, they are thankful that you choose to be a part of their lives.
And when they don’t get that from their parents, they look for it in the teenagers that they surround themselves with… who don’t have a clue how to provide that kind of care for them.
The best part is that we don’t have to do it on our own. God promises to be “the Father to the fatherless” (Psalm 68:5), has shown us how to be Godly parents, and constantly reveals to us how to love our children in such a way that they don’t feel the need to go running around looking for love and acceptance.