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It’s common knowledge that almost all teens don’t quite understand the emotional and relational aspects of life because they are so consumed by the physical. That’s just where they are in life. Puberty, and all the changes that it brings on, simply limits their awareness and understanding.
At I’m Waiting, we try to push that wall back a little bit and show them that there are many other components to sexual activity… many that may not be healthy.
One very common thread that we see when it comes to unhealthy sexual behaviors is a lack of a father-figure within the household. When there is no dad around, this greatly affects both boys and girls, especially when it comes to making and maintaining healthy relationships.
Children who see healthy relationships modeled at home tend to model healthy relationships in their own lives, including delaying their “first time”. Study after study are showing more clearly that the longer someone waits to begin having sex, they also tend to have fewer sexual partners, they tend to use more reliable contraceptives, and have a healthier perspective when it comes to sex.
But, when someone begins to have sex at an earlier age, studies show an increase in the number of partners, as well as more unintended pregnancies and STD’s. They also tend to have greater emotional problems when it comes to their perspective towards sex.
Often times, when we get to know teens who seem to be going down a tattered path in regards to their sex life – maybe they have had a baby and are hooking up with another guy, or they continually find themselves in undesirable situations and can’t figure out why – I often ask them the question: “What’s home life like for you?”
A vast majority of the time, they answer that there is no dad in the house.
So, we learn that this young woman is actually often looking for a “daddy”. She’s looking for a positive role model in her life. And she’s looking for young, teenage boys to fill that role, but they are incapable of it.
So, let’s take it back to the boys: A majority of these same boys are growing up in homes without a dad, as well. These teenage boys are trying to figure out what it means to be a man with no role model to pattern after.
In fact, studies have revealed that a dad’s role is more important in a child’s life than their mother’s is. You see, in a boy’s life, the dad teaches his son how to be a man. In a girl’s life, the dad teaches his daughter how to have a relationship with a man.
This culminates when we see brokenhearted teenage girls who don’t understand how and why this guy who just had sex with them could break up with them… over a text message!
She can’t understand because from her perspective, she had given him everything. From her perspective, she was looking for a man to take that manly role in her life. But, she was looking in the wrong place and found a little boy instead. 15-year-old boys (especially ones who have never seen what it’s like to be a good dad in their own home) simply aren’t capable to step up into that role. They don’t know what men – good dads – are supposed to do.
So dads: You’re important! I know that we too often hear from our culture that your role is secondary at best, but it’s not. Your role in our children’s lives is critical!! And if you’re not a dad, but a big brother, uncle, or even a good friend – and you see a family with children growing up without this positive role model – could you please step up to the plate, become that father-figure and change a generation?