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Last week ImWaiting was participating in a parent forum at a local high school. The forum was open to parents and students covering the topic of teen dating. During the Q&A we were asked the question that we probably get 100 times a year:
“When is the best time to start having sex?”
Parents – we hope you’re reading this too.
Our hope is that your child will come to YOU with this question.
The question isn’t so much when is the right time to engage in sexual activity, the question is when are you ready to take on ALL the responsibilities that come with sexual activity? When making that decision these are a few things that need to be asked:
- Are you completely ready for an unplanned pregnancy?
- Are you ready to parent a child alone if this relationship ends?
- Are you prepared to possibly contract an STD that you could have for the rest of your life?
- If pregnancy or an STD do not occur, are you ready to carry this relationship and the memories of the sexual experiences into your next relationship?
More importantly than all of these questions, the questions that need to be asked are:
- Why is this so important to you?
- What need will this fulfill in you outside of the physical?
- Would your relationship be made better or worse if you waited/didn’t wait? Why?
- Are you feeling pressured?
- Are you afraid to lose this relationship if you don’t have sex?
We have found when we start having teens ask themselves these questions that they realize that they are not ready for sex, and actually were considering it for all the wrong reasons. EVEN BETTER, nobody told them what to do or not to do, they came to this decision themselves.
We live in an overly sexualized world that promotes sexual activity without consequences. There are HUGE consequences when having sex and not all of them physical. We talk to teens and young adults frequently that express regret at not waiting. They didn’t realize the emotional impact it was going to make on their lives. This is true for girls AND guys. We hear from guys on a regular basis that feel pressured to have sex. Multiple studies have shown that the early onset of sexual debut is closely tied to depression and suicide attempts with boys being more successful in their attempts.
Teens, sex is a wonderful thing. It bonds two people together forever, whether they stay together or not, but honestly, in the whole picture of a mature relationship that is built on trust, respect, friendship, common goals, common values, long term commitment, and faithfulness, sex is really just a small portion of the relationship. Unfortunately you are being fed an incomplete, and actually false story that sex MAKES a relationship. It doesn’t. If all those other parts aren’t there, it actually is just sex.