Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe: RSS
ImWaiting has the opportunity to speak to many parent groups throughout the county. We teach effective communication, healthy relationships, decision-making, STD education, etc, with the intent to equip parents with knowledge to start and continue conversations with their kids regarding risk behaviors and the consequences.
Recently, we were advised to tell parents that they needed to teach their kids how to use condoms. In effect, that was a part of good parenting. We declined. When pressed we explained why.
Whether in schools or with parents, we have no problem talking about condom effective/ineffective rates. We definitely encourage and equip parents to have open, honest conversations with their kids about sex and contraception based on their family values; however, we want to make it very clear that a condom is not 100% effective in preventing STDs or pregnancy. This isn’t a fact we make up, but from the Center for Disease Control condom fact sheet that clearly states:
“Consistent and correct use of the male latex condom reduces the risk of sexually transmitted disease and human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) transmission. However, condom use cannot provide absolute protection against any STD.” (National Center for HIV/AIDS, Viral Hepatitis, STD, and TB Prevention, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention)
Condoms have varying effective rates depending on the STD. For example, herpes and HPV (genital warts), and syphilis are transmitted by skin-to-skin contact. If there is a lesion on the skin that a condom does not cover transmission is not only possible, it is likely. In regard to pregnancy, the CDC states a 18% failure rate in the first year of typical use of a condom. (Division of Reproductive Health, National Center for Chronic Disease Prevention and Health Promotion)
We do agree that condom use does reduce the risk of STD’s and offers some protection against pregnancy; however we don’t ever want to give the false hope that a condom is a “super shield” that will give 100% protection 100% of the time. The only way a condom can be 100% effective 100% of the time is if it is used 100% correctly 100% of the time, and the condom is 100% without defect. In our way of thinking, that is putting a whole lot of faith in a tiny piece of latex.
In this conversation we were pressed again, as to why we wouldn’t present to parents that it’s their responsibility to teach their kids how to use a condom.
We gave them a few really important reasons. Condoms have absolutely no protection for mental or emotional health. Condom usage won’t help when the break up happens. Condoms won’t help when their kids have had an intimate sexual experience with someone and that person decides to tell all their friends.
Instead of instructing parents to just give their kids a condom we encourage parents to ask their kids, why is this relationship so important to you? Will it make your relationship stronger or weaker by having sex?
Finally, one of the most important reasons. A few weeks ago we received a message on the kik app we use from a 14-year-old girl that said this,
“I had sex for the first time and used a condom, I don’t know what happened, it must have broken because I skipped my period.”
This 14-year-old girl did everything she was told she was supposed to do and guess what, it didn’t work. Now this 14-year-old has to make one of only three choices, all of which are very difficult.
That is why we won’t lie to parents or students and tell them their best bet is to use a condom.
ImWaiting