Brad Stine Mini-Cast
How I plan to make $450,000
This week, some of the things that we found out was, number one, that the Biden administration has decided that they are going to consider giving $450,000 to illegal immigrants that came across the border illegally and were caught. And because they were caught, they were trying to be shipped back and they got separated from their family, and that trauma of suffering from their ill-gotten gains, Biden administration felt was worth $450,000. Now, listen, I got to tell you guys something. That story shocked me, and I’ll tell you why it shocked me. It shocked me because I was shocked that anybody would be shocked that the left would try to incentivize criminal behavior with money, because that’s their thing. They’re really good at that. Hunter Biden and his artwork, whoo. He’s a genius. Yeah, that’s how I’ve always said; da Vinci, Michelangelo, Biden.
Anyways, they’re saying that if they cross the border and caught you, they’re going to pay them $450,000. Now, here’s what I find interesting. They had to catch them. Think about that. Not only did you break the law by coming across the border, but then you needed to get caught so you could make $450,000. I mean, this is amazing. It’s wonderful. You should come over with a target on your back. “Please catch me. Love to make some dough.” And I’m thinking to myself, “Why don’t they use this as social justice pantheon of joy they could put to this thing?” Okay, if you come over and we catch you; illegal, it’s $450,000. But if you come over and rob somebody, then we’re going to pay you another $50,000 because clearly you are seeking your own reparations. And if you come across illegally, get caught, rob somebody, and then start shooting border police, well, you’ve hit the jackpot. We’re going to pay you $1 million because you are single-handedly eliminating your oppressors.
Plus, you’re taking back your territory that you lost, or as you like to say, we stole from you during the Mexican-American War. I love that idea, Wyatt. They always say that we stole all this land from Mexico. We ended up with that land during a treaty because we beat them in a war and we just kind of took their stuff. So what… Again, remember as I told you last week when Bill Maher has now talked two or three episodes in a row about the rearranging of words and recommitting words, which I’ve been doing for two years now so I think he’s watching my broadcast or my comedy clips and they’re just repurposing it to make him look clever. But nevertheless, repurposing words. So, what used to be called spoils of war is now called stolen, stolen land. What do you think, Wyatt? Any ideas on the 450 grand?
I mean…
You don’t.
Yeah, I do. I actually do.
Well, please, jump in.
It helps when you say things as opposed to sitting there and doing a mind routine for radio.
Well, it’s kind of hard to say things when you are going on your land-
Go ahead.
… because it… So, if they’re going to pay $450,000 to these people who are going in illegally, my question is, what’s stopping them from taking the money, going back to Mexico and then just doing it all over again?
Wow. Why?
It’s just a speed one, to become the millionaire, the fastest.
Wow.
Make $450,000 in your spare time.
Yes. And if you come over with the intent of robbing people we’ll give you an extra $50,000, because clearly you need the money more than we do.
Obviously, what I need to do is go renounce my American citizenship, become a Mexican citizen and then start coming back in here and making some dough. Wyatt, we got a whole scam going here. What else happened in the news? Oh, okay. Oh, the Pope. So, Biden also approached the Pope this week, and as he went to the room to begin the discussions they abruptly, they turned off the television and the live broadcast. Now, I don’t know if you’ve heard the rumors. Have you, Wyatt?
No.
The rumors was that he pooped his pants, and that the Pope thought maybe that’s something we shouldn’t show on television. Now, it sounds silly to me. It sounds like somebody is just making up something to make him look bad because clearly, I doubt that’s what took place. And even if he did, if there’s anybody that’s double and triple protected with underwear at his age, I’m sure it would be Biden because I’m sure this wouldn’t be the first incident that they’ve had to deal with. Poor, poor Biden.
I don’t know, Wyatt. I don’t have any idea why you’d bring that up because a chancellor from Australia in McDonald’s, what does that have to do with Biden pooping with the Pope? He did a Pope poop or a poop Pope. Either one of those is all.
Yeah, but a chancellor did a McDonald’s poop, Pope.
Oh, okay.
Yeah. They did it in a McDonald’s.
Well anyways, I don’t know if he pooped or not. Here’s what I do want you to know though, that I don’t think that’s what happened. You see, you have to understand, when you go meet the Pope there’s a protocol. And the protocol is you must have an interpreter on hand to make sure, because these are high dignitaries, that nobody misunderstands what you said. Now, you have to understand that this Pope speaks five languages, I think. He speaks German, Spanish, Italian, English, maybe, but come to find out he doesn’t speak Joe Biden, or as it’s been known and been called, Bidenese. Now, if you’re new to the broadcast you might be aware of this. If you’ve watched any, any, news program that Biden has spoken, he may be the first president that’s created his own language, Bidenese. It seems nonsensical and difficult to understand. It is a hybrid of English and a severe blow to the head.
So, I think he’s the first president on record that every time he speaks, even Alzheimer patients are saying, “What is he talking about?” So, I just thought that you need to understand that it could have been simply a protocol measure. And another thing that I’m sure the Pope did was maybe give Biden a refresher on what it means to be a Catholic. He claims to be a Catholic but he’s pro-choice, and so I’m sure the Pope might’ve reminded him that the only reason the Catholics conquered the Aztecs is because they, for some reason, found butchering babies a no-no. What do you think, Wyatt?
Ugh, honestly, the news just saddens me deeply.
It does? It saddens you?
Yeah. It’s just, at this point it seems like it’s a contest to see how depressing they can make the world.
Well, if you think that’s bad, I got more. Oh, yeah. Biden said that we’re going to build our first ever national network of 500,000 electric vehicle charging stations all across the country. And so, when you buy an electric vehicle you credit for buying it. When you buy electric vehicle, you can go all the way across America on a single tank of gas. Figuratively speaking. It’s not gas, you plug it in. He added 500 of them, these stations along the way. Now, the only downside to building 500,000 electric car fueling stations, Wyatt, is that the carbon footprint; that will create… literally will cancel out anything the electric car will give us when it comes to the atmosphere by about 150 years. So, what they have also said was if that’s not going to work, what we might do is not make 500,000 but in fact make just one big one, and then everybody will buy a really long extension cord. I’m just throwing it out there. I’m not in the Biden administration.
Well, no. What you got to do is you’re going to have to spend antenna things.
Oh, nice.
Well, no, they did have a plan B. The plan B was, if the electric doesn’t work out, they’re going to start running cars on windmill power or power of the wind.
And if that one doesn’t work, they was going to Flintstone it.
They might Flintstone. We don’t know yet, but I like the idea of wind power because it’s been working for many, many, many years. The only downside is apparently they will have to rebuild all of the interstates to all go downhill. What else did they have happen in the news? Oh, Kentucky school. I got to talk about this one, Wyatt. You’re going to need to hear about this, and maybe you guys heard it, maybe you didn’t. But there was a… Kentucky High School, it’s come under fire from an outraged community and widespread social media swarm after photos showed a school-sponsored event in which male students… How do we know they’re male, Wyatt? How do we know they aren’t the lineage of the operation patient?
To be fair, have they identified as the lineage of the operation?
Well-
Because if they don’t, then how on earth would we know?
Well, many of them were minors. I should tell you that. And they were photographed giving lap dances to faculty members while female students dressed in skimpy Hooters uniforms and handed out drinks. Now, that’s my kind of high school, I got to tell you.
You would think so, but it was a homecoming event held in the gym. Hazard, Kentucky. We’ve been there. You and I went there and did a show. And high school showed teenage boys dressed in lingerie, dancing on several staff members, including the school’s principal/town mayor, aptly nicknamed Donald ‘Happy’ Mobelini. The post referenced the event as a man pageant, showed laughing staff members being gyrated upon by boys, while girls pranced around in Hooters waitress outfits comprised of booty shorts and skin-tight shorts. Now, if-
Yeah, okay. I take it back. The news are way more realistic.
Well, but here’s the thing. Here’s what I think. If the principal was smart, he wouldn’t say that he was getting a lap dance by boys that were dressed up silly in drag, what we used to just say was funny. But instead I think what he should do is, he’d say he was empowering trans women cheerleaders to explore their fluidity, while at the same time helping the non-binary students feel safe, while inspiring girls to use their bodies erotically to protest not being judged for their minds, all the while making a safe space for he, him, her, they, them, us, you, me and the partridge in a pear tree. In other words, they’re suing the parents.
Yeah.
Okay. So, where else did we get some things that happened? Oh, here’s something that happened that you might have heard. Florida. I love the governor. You know who the Florida of… governor is?
The Florida of… No, I do not know who the Florida of governor is…
Wyatt, I’ve told you and I’ve told you 1,000 times. I’m never going to use the proper order or grammar because I need you to be able to think on your feet.
The teleprompter’s not going to help save you in that case, okay? You don’t need a teleprompter to make the show hook. You need a linguist.
Okay.
Or something.
Okay. Well, I’m doing my best, son. I’m just trying to make you stay on task.
But I’m trying to stay on task.
So, here’s what happened. A White guy was fired from his job and he was fired because… here’s what happened. So, he worked for an insurance company. Now, this White guy said that he wanted to make it a more diverse company. “More diversity,” he said. He championed diversity. So, you know what they did? They fired him for being White. And they brought in other people. So, he goes and sues them and wins $10 million. So, the guy gets fired for being woke and then he cries about it and goes and makes himself $10 million over a concept he instigated. Now, I love it. I love it when leftists shoot themselves in the foot with their own idiotic ideology. And when I say “shoot their foot” I don’t mean literally, since they’re afraid of guns, but perhaps they reason with their foot.
Yeah.
Reason to have it give itself up, or at least shoot it with non-lethal force, so rubber bullet, but that would be no good for the environment, or… No. I got one. They probably use bolts made from gluten free, environmentally neutral products, or maybe there’s no free at all. Maybe, maybe they simply allow their foot to run amok torching buildings and kicking innocent old ladies. And when they run away, it’s not fleeing the scene. No, it’s not fleeing the scene of a crime, but instead it’s just called peacefully kicking someone in the groin.
