Carty’s Contemporary Classics – You Don’t Want to See Me When I Get Angry

Christian Podcast Central Classic Podcast

Think of it as a chain of islands. Enemy hits you weekly with long-range bombers, fiery darts. You stay in sin, you give up an island, he builds an airstrip, medium-range bombers three times a week. You stay in sin, he takes this island, builds an airstrip, hits you every day with fighter cover. What we have to do is take back the ground. And if we take back the ground, we can put him back where he belongs, and that’s what we intend to do tonight. Take back the ground from our angry past.

Some of us have a lot of good reason to be angry. Some of you have been raped. Some of you are the product of sexual abuse in your home. And you’ve been verbally abused, you’ve been physically abused. You had a partner that took advantage of you, you’ve been bankrupt because of what he did. Some of you are divorced. Some of you have got a lot of reasons to be really angry. You know what’s the tragedy of that? That person who wronged you back then still owns you. Because the carcass you devour at the banquet table of anger is yourself.

There is a way out, and you can scrape off the leech, and you can put a date on the date that you make that decision so that when the enemy reminds you of what happened that usually sets off that stream of motions, you can say, “No, no. That was February 27th. That’s when I took care of that. I know whose voice this is, upon the authority of scripture, the power of Jesus’ name, I want to stand firm. I want to resist the devil and claim his responsibility to flee before the authority of Christ. I’m not going to fall into the same trap again. I’m going to put the two-year-old to bed.” Now you can do that.

Think about the last time you got mad. Don’t let the juices get flowing again. Don’t let them flow. How many of you, when you get mad, you just let it fly? You’re expressers. Could I see the hands? Get them up. We know who you are anyhow, so get them up. Yeah.

Now, some of you are suppressors. Now, suppressor, you go to work, boss makes you mad, can’t get mad at the boss, might get fired, hang onto it all day. You come home, it’s raining. Kid left his bike in the driveway. Got to get out of the car in the rain, kick the bike aside. It’s wet, crossbar catches you on the shin, doesn’t help your day much. Back in the car, in the driveway, out of the car, in the back door, wife greets you with a peck, few problems of the day. You just kind of grunt, and you head for the TV, turn it on, grab the paper, plop in your chair. Now that makes her mad, but she can’t get mad at you, you might rip her lips off, shove them up her nose.

So she gets mad at the older brother since she can’t get mad at you. So she vents on the older brother. And that older brother knows if he messes with mom, you’ll rip his lips off. So he gets mad at the younger sister. Younger sister can’t do anything with an older brother, so she kicks the dog. The dog bites the cat, and the cat runs outside and kills a squirrel. And the squirrel is the recipient of your suppressed anger. How many of you ever done that? How many of you have taken a tough day out on your kids? Let me see your hands. Come on. Yeah. So I call it chicken-hearted anger. You vent on people who don’t have the strength to get even.

And why do you do that? Because of initiation. You see, why do they have initiations in fraternities? Because they want the new people to go through what they had to go through. That’s the only reason. they want the new people to go through what they had to go through, and that’s wrong. That’s just wrong.

You see, I don’t know how you were raised, but if you were raised with a power-leadership in your home, as opposed to a servant-leadership base, if you were raised in power-leadership, then the person in power-leadership can do whatever he wants to in that house. Because one, maybe he’s the breadwinner or he’s stronger physically. And if he’s the breadwinner, and stronger physically, and a dominant personality, then everything revolves around his hub, and he rules with an iron hand. And we call that leadership in the business world, and in Christianity, we call it sin. And the reason we call it sin is because it hurts other people, and no one has the right to hurt another person just to make yourself feel better. You have the responsibility to discipline. You must not punish. Discipline is to restore. Punishment is to make you feel better.

Ever been around somebody who rages? Don’t be shocked. “I am so mad at you! You just… I want to just… Oh, I’m mad! Look at me. Who spoke all over me? I did that and I have this surge of adrenaline going through me right now. It’s like a bit of a runner’s high. I’m kind of euphoric right now.” Researchers will tell you that people who rage are addicted to the adrenaline rush, and they’ll use whatever circumstance is there so that they can experience the self-induced adrenaline rush. And they don’t care who they hurt.

And the difficulty of this message is that some of you are here and are thrilled that you are here. You’re going to have to go back to a home, or your wife, or your husband’s going to look at you, and you’re going to say, “That’s our problem, isn’t it? That’s what’s happening in our home.” And it’s continuing because that’s the way you were raised, and you just assume you have to raise your kids the way you were raised so that they can suffer through what you went through. And I’m saying folks, it’s time to stop. It’s time to fix it. And if you’ve already messed up your kids, do what we’ve decided to do. Let our kids know we’re sorry. We really are.

But there is no reconciliation without repentance. You can forgive, as we’ll see before this is over, but there is no reconciliation without repentance. You cannot reconcile unless both parties are repentant. And if you would just go home, and repent, and start breaking bad habits in covenant, “We’re going to cut this off so our grandkids don’t do this. Let’s stop this stuff. We’re torqued. Let’s stop torquing our kids.”

See, it’s sin. When you hurt somebody else, it’s sin. And expressers do that and suppressors do it. Now, repressers are a little different. Repressers, they’re Christians. See? And when these feelings start welling up, they think, “Boy, if I wasn’t a Christian, I bet that’s what anger would feel like.” And it starts welling up inside, and it comes up, and they take this esophagus-sized disc, and they cram it down their throat, and they pack it in their tongue. And they don’t get angry! They get not even. Migraines. And ulcers. Colitis. Zits. Well, maybe not zits, but you know. Repressers, where are you? Let me see the hands. Come on. Get them up. Look at them, sniveling little repressers, look at them. I asked for the repressers. I asked for the expressers.

You can’t violate the temple when you do it’s sin. So that means expression, suppression, repression. Three-letter word, starts with S, ends with N, and it is not sun. What is it?

Sin.

There is a biblical way to be angry and sin not. So I was running a Christian conference center in the mountains. Time to make a job change, couldn’t make up my mind. Went to see the great doctor, Henry Brandt, noted Christian psychologist. A three-hour drive. He forgot the appointment. He showed up freshly shaved and showered. Secretary called him at the racquetball court. He’s 45 minutes late. I was a little tight about that. My wife and I took our Taylor-Johnson Temperament Analysis test. We did it on each other and on ourselves. And he spreads the test, and says, “What’s the problem?” “Well, as I told you, I’m having trouble making this decision and thought maybe you could help me.” He said, “It’s easier for me to see what the problem is. There’s sin in your life.”

I said, “Henry, maybe you could elaborate for me. You know, it was a three hour drive and you were late. He proceeds to take the next three or four minutes and undress me emotionally. I mean, I am sitting naked in front of this man. And I’m mad. My wife knew I was mad, she’d been married to me long enough to know. Henry, he’s a pro. He’s supposed to know. You wouldn’t have known. He says, “What’s bothering you right now, Jay?” And I said, “Nothing.” He said, “Don’t compound the problem by lying about it. Tell me what’s on your mind.” And I’m thinking he wants to fight.

Now, I love to fight. On my Taylor-Johnson, I am 98% dominant. I am 96% hostile. I’m expressive, I’m subjective. That combination, apart from the Holy Spirit, I am dangerous. Do you… you understand. So I say to Henry, “You, you’re my problem, you grandstander. Tell me there’s sin in my life, pat me the rear, send me on my way saying, “Whoa, I just saw the great Dr. Henry Brandt” But frankly, I’m not impressed. I think you’re a fraud and I think you stink.” And he says, “What else seems to be bothering you, Jay?” I said, “Oh, nevermind. Mary,” you know, I called her that because…

That’s her name.

That’s her name. I said, “Mary, come on, let’s get out of here.” And Henry says, “No, don’t go right now. Let me ask you a question. Are you filled with the Spirit right now?” I gave him a theological answer. I said, “Henry, I know Jesus Christ is my personal savior. My body therefore is the dwelling place of the Holy Spirit. I’ve been sealed with the holy spirit of promise and baptized in the body of Christ. However, if what you’re referring to as Ephesians 5:18, ‘Be constantly in the process of being filled with the Spirit,’ as evidenced by Galatians 5:22/23, ‘love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control,’ if those qualities are not present, then by definition, although the Holy Spirit is in me, I have grieved, and quenched him, and therefore I would not be filled. And so I guess to give you a summary, and a word, no.”

He said, “Jay, when your stomach starts going, and you dwell on those thoughts for a little while, if you’re around people that make your stomach go like this, maybe work around people like that, ooh, maybe you live with one. And your stomach goes like that, and you think about that for a long time, are you filled with the Spirit, Jay? You know, love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control?” I said no. And then the blockbuster question, ask it of yourself. “Do you feel that way most of the time?”, he asked, and I was undone.

I went to serve God at camp. We sold the house. You know the one with the view of Catalina? Private beach. We bought it for 64. We sold it for 99. We killed them, folks. And five years later it was worth 400,000. There was no going back to Egypt. You know? Bitter.

See folks, you can accomplish great things for God in the flesh. Don’t let anybody tell you can’t. It won’t make any difference to you, but it’ll make a great deal to the Kingdom. Jimmy Swaggers was in sin for at least eight years. Eight years. Thousands of people came to Christ. Thousands came to Christ. Because your sin doesn’t grieve or quench your spiritual gift. What it grieves and quenches is the power of the spirit of God within you. There’s a difference between spiritual gifts and fruit of the spirit.

Let me prove it with Jonah.

“I want you to go to Nineveh, and tell them to repent.”

“I hate Assyrians, let them burn.”

“No, no. I think if you go, they’ll turn.”

“400 years ago, they stuffed a bunch of us and I’m still ticked. Besides, every time I tell someone to turn, they do, I look bad. Tired of looking like worm sweat. I’m through. I’m not going.”

“You’re going to Nineveh.”

“I’m not going to Nineveh. I’m going to Tarshish. Watch my dust, Jack. I’m out of here. I’m gone.”

Little storm at sea, little throw overboard, gobbled up by a fish, lousy way to travel. Barfed on the shore, worse way to arrive. He’s wrapped in seaweed, bleached out from stomach acid. He’s walking through Nineveh, saying, “Turn or burn, flip or fry, change your stroke or go down in smoke.” I mean, who wouldn’t listen to a dude who looked like that?

God grows in some shade, he’s so bummed, the shade withers. Sound like a happy camper to you? He’s miserable. God used him absolutely. Why? Golden rule. He who has the gold makes the rules. And God is sovereign. He can do whatever he wants to, whenever He wants to do it. And He can do it with you whenever He wants to do with you, but you will be very miserable in the using if you’re not experiencing the fruit of the spirit. There’s a difference.

I said, “Henry, how bad am I? I’ve only spent a lifetime learning to live this way.” And he says, “Well, it’s like having a splinter in your thumb. Pull the splinter and it gets well rather quickly, but you’ve got to pull the splinter.” I said, “Henry, how do you pull that thing?”

“You confess it.”

“Yeah. You talk to God before you go do something dumb. See, when you experience that emotion, you talk to God about it. And you talk to as long as it’s necessary to calm down so you don’t sin while you’re angry. That’s the key. And because you’re out of practice, you’ll do that 20 times the first day. But only do it 18 the second, 16 the third, and 14… It’s just you’re terribly out of practice and you’re a very emotional critter. You just have to confess it.”

I didn’t get it, but I finally did. Numbers, go there. Numbers 16. Korah, Dathan, Abiram… they’ve had it with Moses. Really, they’ve had it with God. And Moses was the delegated spiritual authority. And so, they decided to take over. Now, Moses, I tell you, he demonstrated a behavior that , if you were a follower of Moses, it would not instill great confidence. Verse 4. He fell on his face. I mean, the pressure came, he kissed the carpet. And they didn’t have Jimmy the Greek, the famous bookmaker in those days, but they did have Jimmy the Jew. And Jimmy The Jew was booking the action seven to three in favor of the rebels, because he didn’t know what it meant to fall on your face.

You know what it means to fall on your face? It means he prayed. And he didn’t pray, “Oh God, I got a problem.” No, no. He prayed, “God, you got a problem here.” Because, see, a spiritual authority understands whose responsibility it is to fix it. And he didn’t get mad because of Verse 11. Look at Verse 11. Because he knew who they were really mad at. Who? Verse 11, God, the Lord. Now let’s get this straight. My Bible says be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Subject to one another. That means my kids will sometimes be my spiritual authority. I really hate that. “Hey dad, you really think you ought to be watching that TV program?” “Shut up, kid. Mind your own business. Who do you think you are?” But parents, usually, you will be theirs. But occasionally they’ll be yours. Because we’re to be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.

And when somebody sins, let’s understand, when somebody sins, you don’t have a problem with the person that you think made you sin. Whenever you sin, let’s get it clear, most important thing I’ll say tonight, you have a problem with God. If sin is involved, your beef is with God.

High schoolers, let me talk to you for just a second. Don’t nod your heads, okay? Don’t nod them. Have your parents ever intentionally provoked you to anger? Don’t nod your head, I’m telling you not to nod it. Don’t nod it. Have they ever had a tough day, and come, and took the day out on on you? Now if they ask you to do something, and you rebelled, then that’s your sin, not theirs. But when they take a tough day out on you, when they intentionally provoke you to anger, Bible calls that sin. That means they’ve got a problem with God. Now they’re using you as the excuse. They think they’ve got a problem with you, but they don’t have a problem with you. Verse 11 makes it clear, when sin is involved, you got a problem with God. A small child can’t do this, they’re not mature enough. There’s an occasional junior higher that can. By the time you get to high school, many of you should be able to do this. You know whether or not you’ve messed up. And if you haven’t messed up, and your folks tee off on you anyhow… if you really want to make them mad, don’t fight.

See, it always takes two to have a fight. You can’t have a fight with one person. Henry Brandt wouldn’t fight with me. It takes two, and you don’t want to do it just to make them mad, but you don’t have to fight. Yeah, sure, it’d be wrong. Yeah, it’s going to hurt. Hurt, fear, frustration, feelings, they come with life. That’s the way it is. But you don’t have to sin when someone sins against you. You don’t have to. Not if your perspective is right.

Parents, don’t nod your heads. Do you have a rebellious son or daughter? Now when they rebel against you, and you’re the delegated spiritual authority, who are they really mad at? Verse 11. God. Who do you think they’re mad at? You. But who are they really mad at? Verse 11. When your perspective is right, you won’t take it personally. And you won’t take on responsibility that’s not yours. As a delegated spiritual authority, it’s time to pray, “God, you got a problem here. Fix it.”

Ladies. Those of you are married, don’t nod your heads now. And don’t elbow your husband. Do you have a husband who speaks to you in a harsh, embittered tone? You know, there’s nothing in life that hurts a woman as deeply as a husband who speaks to her harshly. The disrespect that is in that, the lack of mutuality, and the expression of power-based leadership is a devastating thing. And when he does that, who’s he got a problem with? Verse 11. Who? Who’s he think he’s got a problem with? You. And who’s he really got the problem with? When sin is involved, the problem is with God. And Cautions 3 makes it clear that an embittered husband who expresses it towards his wife is sinning.

We hope that you enjoyed this week’s installment of Carty’s Contemporary Classics. We’ll join Jay next week for a continuation of his laugh-inducing and thought-provoking insights. Until then you can catch up on Jay’s and many other encouraging and instructive podcasts at the E-Squared Podcast Network at www.e2network.net.