Carty’s Contemporary Classics – Four Principles for Dating

Christian Podcast Central Classic Podcast

It’s sex night in Irvine. Sometimes it’s sin, sometimes it’s not, or will I burn if I get the hots? Let me give you a couple stats. On per capita basis the group that’s leading in increased incidence of sexually transmitted disease is the 10 to 14 year old age group. In 1970, less than 5% of all 15 year old girls that had sex. By 1988, that was 25%. Currently estimated by one study that 20% of our high schoolers graduate from high school with their virginity, 20%. Of those who have had sex, 30% of them have it once and then don’t do it again. And another 30% have had four partners or more by the time they’ve graduated from high school. One, the number one group for sexually transmitted disease, and it’s three times higher than the general population is 16 to 20.

That’s the age when they think they’re the safest. And two thirds of all sexually transmitted disease is in 25 year olds or younger. Currently one in seven teens have a sexually transmitted disease of some kind. That’s because 20 years ago, there were just four primary ones, now there are 32. And one in four will have one by the time they’re 55. Currently 14% of all AIDS cases, they contracted the AIDS as teenagers, 14%. Currently one in every 500 college students is testing HIV positive, one in every 500. Few years ago they told you that secondary cigarette smoke wouldn’t hurt you and at the same time they told you, you could not get AIDS heterosexually.

Currently they’re telling us you cannot get it through saliva. Except that OSHA requires the nurses to wear a double gown outside disposable, double gloves, gauze mask, plastic shield when they’re handling AIDS suspected saliva samples, it just seems reasonable that if you floss your teeth and you bleed a little and you kiss somebody who’s got a sore in their mouth, I guess the key is never kiss anyone who’s just flossed their teeth. Married partners using condoms each time where one is HIV positive, within 18 months, 17% both will be infected. That’s because latex products generally have a five micron hole in them someplace.

That’s not nearly as important in preventing pregnancy because the female can only conceive a couple of days out of each month, but AIDS can be transmitted every time. And it’s a .1, .1 micron virus and latex products have five micron holes in them. Dr. Dobson said it well, “Would you join a skydiving club where there were eight of you in the club if you knew that within the 18 months you be skydiving one of your parachutes would not open? Aids kills you just as surely, just a whole lot slower.”

More affairs at age 50 than any other age in marriage. And the number one problem in the retirement communities in our land, and we studied Laguna Niguel Leisure World, and we studied Glendale, Arizona, Sun City outside of Phoenix. Number one problem: infidelity. Let me give you the scenario. Gentleman is walking through his condominium community. We will call him condo man and condo man is walking along and this sweet little lady whose husband died four years ago says “My faucet is broken. It’s leaking everywhere. And I don’t know what to do.” And he says, “I’ll get my tools and help fix it. My daddy didn’t raise me to be rude.” He fixes the faucet.

She makes a little tea and a little cookies, because she wants to say thank you. He feels like a million bucks, he hadn’t felt like a million bucks in his household in years. She hadn’t made anybody feel like a million in four. He goes home and he gets to thinking, wonder if any of her other faucets leak? Back to fix the faucet, a little more tea, a little more cookies. Pretty soon he gets to thinking I don’t have very many years left to feel like a million bucks. Now he doesn’t get a divorce. What he does is just move down the street a few doors because if he got a divorce that would ruin his financial security and typically his wife won’t divorce him because she can’t afford to, it would also ruin hers. And so they just do it and he does it because he is older and he is mature and he is an adult.

And there’s more affairs at age 50. And is it any wonder that our kids have had it with us saying, “Do as I say, not as I do.” Because there’s more sexually transmitted disease in the 16 to 20 group than any other group. Have included everyone in the room? This is not just to talk for kids. This is a talk for you. And it won’t make a whole lot of difference to you if you are still picking and choosing on which things in this book you’re going to buy into and which ones you aren’t. If you’re reading it this way, Judas hung himself, go and do thou likewise. Whatsoever thou do, do it quickly.

You can get in trouble reading your Bible that way. And if you’re still deciding which things you’re going to buy into and which things you aren’t, this one’s not going to make it for you. Let me ask you a question. When you were three, four, five, six years old, why didn’t your folks let you play in the traffic? Yours did. Yeah I know that. Why didn’t they let you? Because they didn’t want you to get hurt. You thought they were trying to spoil your…

Fun.

But they didn’t want you to get…

Hurt.

There are a few don’ts in the book. Not very many, but there are a few. Now the Pharisees, they added a whole bunch of don’ts that don’t belong, like 600 of them. Don’ts like don’t walk on grass on the Sabbath because you’ll dislodge the grass seed and that would be planting. You can’t plant on the Sabbath. So don’t… That was one of them. I’m not kidding you. We add a whole bunch of don’ts that aren’t in here, but there are a couple of don’ts, here’s one of them don’t murder. Okay. What’s your name?

Lawrence.

Lawrence. I’m going to gun, I’m going to shoot Lawrence. Bang. Lawrence is now dead. Am I a murderer?

Yes.

Why?

You killed him.

I killed him and it’s against the law to do that and got our law from the Judeo Christian ethic, and God said don’t kill. All right. What’s your name?

Kay.

Kay. Kay, you take gun, you shoot him, I’ll shoot him, let’s both shoot him, bang. All right, he’s dead. Which one of us killed him? Only one of our bullets killed him. So which one of us killed him? Doesn’t matter. Does it matter she has more money than I do? I’m a traveling evangelist, I don’t have my own TV show. Does it matter that she’s younger and attractive? Does it matter that I’m old and wrinkled? Are there any variables at alter that we are both murderers? Any variables? She knows him better? Does that matter? No. No variables. Now there’s just one day between murder and abortion and we’re trying to figure out how to kill old people because they’re going to break the bank and we’re trying to figure out how to kill AIDS patients, because they’re going to break the bank and we’ll figure out how to do that. But right now it’s still against a law to just shoot Lawrence.

Here’s one. Don’t have sex with somebody that you’re not married to. The Bible calls that adultery and fornication it’s the same term. It depends on whether or not you’re married. You have sex with somebody you’re not married to and you’re married, it’s called adultery. If you’re not married and you have sex with somebody, it’s called fornication. It’s the same sin, it’s sexual intercourse with someone to whom you’re not married, but you see that’s not against the law anymore. Now God said not to do it, but it’s not against the law, as a matter of fact, it’s a badge of honor if you do and you’re ridiculed if you don’t. There’s a new swear word in high school. You know what it is? Girl accidentally slammed her locker on another girl’s knuckles, just a little tiny bit. And she said, “You, you, you virgin.” The swear word. You never heard anybody get mad and say, “Ah, Jay Carty.” Have you? Just last night?

But have you ever heard the name Jesus Christ in a locker room? Have you ever heard his name mentioned if somebody makes the putt? Oh mention if they miss the putt, make the putt, Jesus Christ. Miss the putt, Jesus Christ. See it’s a swear word. That’s one of the great evidences that God has given this world to the enemy as a place to test our faith and Christ’s name is the only proper name that’s a swear word. And guess which one’s creeping in now in the crowd where sexual purity makes the most difference? Virgin is now on the same par. Can you imagine being in that environment and having virginity scorned so much that you are ridiculed as a swear word, that’d be tough, wouldn’t it? You bet. God says if you’ve dated the person 20 times, if you really love them… Yeah, but we love each other.

We’re going to get married. I’m a mature adult. See, if God’s word’s important to you, none of those things are a reason. God says don’t do it. I’ll tell you why tonight. There are some good reasons. I’ll tell you how to avoid it by the time we’re through, we’ll do the seduction. We’ll do the preliminaries. We’ll just do the whole thing. Turn to First Corinthians six verse 12. First Corinthians 6:12, for those of you who are single and those of you who are dating and a few of these principles will apply to those of you who are married.

Everyone asks, “How far can I go before it becomes sin?” So point number one is, if you ask it from a negative, you’ve got eclairs in your refrigerator and those of you who weren’t here, what that means you’re on a diet, you buy two chocolate eclairs, you take them home, put them in the refrigerator and say, “Oh God, help me not eat them.” And they’re there until you can justify their consumption, because you have already decided to eat them you have a deceitful heart and you’re just kidding yourself. See? So if you’re kidding yourself, that’s one thing. And if you’re saying, “How far can I go before it becomes sin?” You’re kidding yourself. You’ll never hear God’s voice. Here’s what you’ll hear.

God, what’s going to glorify you in this relationship tonight? Now you’ll always hear his voice. See the other way is like asking how bad can I be and still be okay? How good do I have to be to just barely be okay. And when that’s your motive, God’s not in it. Point one, always ask, wanting to know, not to justify your own agenda. Point number two, First Corinthians 6:12, “All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything.” Absolute sin and variable sin buried in that verse. Absolute, don’t have sex with someone to whom you’re not married.

Paul said, “If the Bible says I can’t do it, then I can’t do it.” But he also said, “If the Bible doesn’t speak to it, I can do it. Unless it takes mastery. Once it enslaves me, there’s only one slave. I need to be enslaved to God and when something else, enslaves me, it becomes sin.” So since we’ve ruled out sexual intercourse for those of you who care about being pleasing to God, let’s go to genital sex. Now, if you take two willing partners and we’re not talking rape now, we’re talking two willing partners. You cannot take two willing partners, participate in genital sex and not have mastery occur. So if mastery is the guideline, we just rule that one out. I’ve got the neck, the head, the back and the front.

I don’t know any guys who can mess with the front and not have mastery occur. If that’s not a problem for you, I suggest you have a another problem. So now we’re left with the neck, the head, and the back. How to kiss, whether or not to kiss, how to hug, whether or not to hug. How long to kiss, how long to hug. I don’t know. Kind of like a swimsuit. You put that swimsuit on that girl it doesn’t make any difference. Put the same suit on that girl, makes a lot of difference.

I always wanted to paint a picture of a pig on a swimming pool wall at camp and put it in a skimpy suit and put a ruby in its nose and quote, the proverb, “An indiscriminate woman is as a jewel in a pig’s snout.” Ah, but I couldn’t. All my board members’ wives wore small suits. I couldn’t get away with it. Movies. This is a church where you sign covenants, you sign covenants, I won’t do this. I won’t do that, I won’t do that. So some of you do go to movies occasionally, is that true? Some of you don’t go to movies. Some of you don’t go to movies because God’s told you not to go to movies individually. Some of you only go to G movies. You don’t go very often. I don’t do Rs, I’m not a prude. It’s just because of who I am and who I represent. And the churches I speak in that would be a problem for some churches.

So I don’t do Rs unless it’s something I have to see to stay current with the kids. Because I still speak to a lot of kids. And if it’s something that they’re really into, then I’ll go ahead and see it, then that’ll be okay, there’ll be no sense of guilt for that at all. And I’m not saying you can’t do an R movie. I’m just saying I can’t do an R movie because I’ve asked God from a positive, what’s going to glorify you in this tonight and will this glorify you? And he won’t let me go to Rs anymore. I can’t do that.

And once I had to walk out of a PG, which I can normally see, I was at a camp and we were talking to high schoolers, a ski retreat. It was an all Jaws weekend. We were watching Jaws one and two. And I hadn’t seen it for a long time and I’m watching it and somebody called somebody else an SOB. And I raised in a bar. I mean, you can’t say anything I haven’t heard in a bar, but now I’m sitting there and I got to preach to the kids that night, my condoning the behavior was kind of curtailing me than that. I might be seen as hypocritical and I was getting a little uncomfortable. And then the captain of the boat asked God to damn his boat. I thought it’d been great if God did, little bolt of lightning right in the boat, leave him drifting in the water. If God answered some of those prayers people would stop spraying them. Guy misses a putt, asks God to damn his club.

You’re driving down the freeway car disintegrates, guy is tumbling. All right. God answers prayer. See, I think God would… How about alcohol? In this church have you signed covenants that you won’t drink wine? No, you haven’t done that? No. Do you think any of them do? You think maybe a couple or two or three or more maybe. Yeah. But when I first dealt with the issue of lordship, when I was 29, I enjoyed my wine. And this was back when you had to mix 7UP with it to make your own coolers before they did it for you and charged you a lot. And we started working with college people. I’m four months into lordship and college people, they’re like piranas, they will eat you out of house and home. And every time they open the refrigerator, there’s a jug of wine sitting in there and I’d wince, and my wife would wince. And I said, Mary… I called her that because…

I said, “Mary, do you think God’s telling us to get the wine out of the refrigerator?” And she said, “Yeah, because so many kids stumble with that. I think if we’re going to work with them we can’t have it in the house.” And I said, “I think that’s right.” And so we got the wine out of the house. That was four months after we dealt with lordship. And we did it because leaving it in the house would have caused a problem in the ministry that God had given us.

But when I was out in the airplane, flying, doing my business trips and this was before I was a speaker, I was in the business world. If I was alone, I’d have the wine, if I wasn’t alone, I wouldn’t have it. Because I’d share Christ with the guys someplace. And I just didn’t want to confuse the issue. So my boss always wanted me to have a drink with him and I said, “Yeah, I don’t want to have a drink with you. I just want to share Christ with you.” And he asked me this question, he said a word for word, “Are you still drinking on the back of the plane?” And I said, “Only if I’m alone, never if I’m with somebody because I don’t want to be hypocritical.”

And he said, “Well, I’m having a little trouble with that right now. And so you either have a drink with me now…” He said, “Or you stop drinking on the back of the plane.” And that was eight months into lordship, eight months. And God spoke through that man because of my calling, God took that away from me, but it wasn’t sin for me until he said no. Do you understand I’m not laying that trip on you. I’m just saying he might, according to your calling, if it’s going to cause someone that you’re working with to stumble, you see the variableness of that? And that’s the way it is with the head, the neck, and the back. 35 year old lady came up to me, divorced for eight years. Husband been remarried for four and she put herself under authority of the elders in that particular church and began to date a Christian man. They’d been dating for three weeks, three whole weeks.

She’s 35 years old, she kissed him goodnight. It set off a fire. It was a tough fire. That fire burned until about four in the morning and she determined I can’t even kiss my date goodnight for a season and I’m 35 years old. For those of you who are dating, save yourself a ton of grief. If all you’ve got going for you is a physical relationship, if that’s all you have going for you, save yourself a ton of grief fail right now. Because if your relationship won’t stand up with the other things that are required to hold it together, you’re going to get hurt. That make sense? How to hug. If you’re dating for most of you, little kissy face, little a huggy bod, probably no big deal. But don’t ask it how far can I go? What’s going to glorify you in this relationship, Lord? Boy, sometimes I speak in hugging churches. This is not a real big hugging church and I speak in hugging churches and I get through and here she comes.

It’s going to be a full on three point body press and she just doesn’t realize the impression she’s going to leave on me. And I just kind of put this hand right here and I say, “Give me half a hug.” And I am honoring her in her culture and I’m putting a little distance there and it’s just real time for an evangelist to be safe. It’s just time. And if you’re the church hugger ladies, let me hear you just a second. Have you ever had someone give you a hug in church and you walked away with a funny feeling? You know what I’m talking about? You know who that one is? You know that guy, you know who that guy… There is no reason for you to let him do that when he walks up to you next time, hi.

I mean, let’s blow his cover here. If he’s hugging for the wrong reason… Oh, we’re into our third point. First point, ask from a positive. Second point, if it masters you it’s sin. Third point, which we just covered a moment ago is you may have to limit your behavior to the level of your weaker brother or sister. If they can’t go to an R movie and you take him to an R movie, you’ve caused them to sin therefore, you’ve sinned. Husbands and the privacy of your bedroom, wives in the privacy of your bedroom. There’s plenty to do, isn’t there? There’s just plenty to do. But if something is uncomfortable for you, you don’t feel right about that particular thing then the other party should not force that behavior on the person. It’s the world that says lighten up. My Bible says tighten up your behavior to the level of your weaker brother or sister and be content.

And then point number four, when you touch a person with the intent to arouse, as opposed to just express Godly affection, it just became sin, Paul made it clear. So when you test the waters at work with the off color story, when it’s the casual bump on purpose to see what happens, when you hug for the wrong reason, if you say something that’s inappropriate that crosses the lines of propriety, that’s when sin occurs, not when you have sexual intercourse, which is also sin, it’s just a further progression of the first testing of the waters. Those are the four principles for dating.