Kids Need DANGEROUS Games!

Why have children (and therefore young adults) become so soft? Perhaps to remedy the issue, we need to go back to a time when life was full of DANGEROUS games!

Hey kids gather around and put away your nerf guns and foam playmates. Were gonna talk about a time when toys could actually kill you. You can watch from your padded safe space if you need to! 

When I was growing up, there were only a handful of situations that could be lethal to child – at least as far as my parents were concerned. One was running with a sucker in your mouth. Why dangerous? Because if you fell you could jam it down your throat. As a kid, I ran a lot, fell a lot and ate a lot of suckers… and I’m still here with my larynx in tact. 

The other potential issue pertained to dangerous toys. The phrase most often heard throughout the summer sweltering? “Be careful you could put someone’s eye out with that!” 

Pretty much every toy that existed in the 60’s and 70’s from click-clacks to water propelled rockets had one thing in common: they could put your eye out. Actually, part of what made toys so great in those bygone days is that they could hurt you! 

It’s like the ban on fireworks today. Today, in many states, you can’t even buy a decent sparkler! By the way, if you have a firework that doesn’t contain the possibility of putting your eye out, it doesn’t earn the right to be called a firework! Just light a couple matches and call it a night! 

Look, when I was growing up, they had a creepy crawler set which amounted to an open hotplate that acted as a stove where you placed metal molds upon and then poured liquid rubber into it which heated into the equivalent of napalm. Then you inserted a metal handle into it and placed it into water that boiled over cooling it leaving you with a colorful rubber bug that resembled candy and looked good enough to eat. THAT WAS A TOY! 

But no more! Progressives had to replace the creepy crawler set where you made fake bugs for PBS specials about real bugs and why they need to be respected and never demeaned or subjugated, disturbed or used in a scientific experiment – especially if it had the potential to some way help humans. 

After all, what’s embryonic stem cells for? 

Leave the critters alone; we’ll respect nature by killing our own thank you very much! 

The progressive anti-cool lobby believes that rather than teach children personal responsibility, it is much more crucial to weaken them by creating a “safe environment” in which everybody wins, no one gets hurt and no one makes bad choices. 

Much of the fun of growing up has been taken away from our kids, all for the sake of safety, be it physical or psychological. 

Toys used to be designed to stimulate and socialize kids; preparing them for situations that life might bring their way like confrontations with explosions and pointed objects. Kids nowadays have grown up with computer games and iPhone apps, satellite radio and the Internet and their parents say, “We had none of this and they have the audacity to say they’re bored!” You know what? It’s because they are bored! They’re bored by physically unstimulating games that only engage their senses and do much of thinking for them. They’re bored because the only sunshine and exercise and fresh air they get is replicated on a computer screen. They’re not playing the insensitive cops and robbers or cowboys and Indians anymore, which have taken on the progressive revision of those classics now they’re playing oppressor and oppressed. Kids aren’t playing house or store or doctor or school. These games were born out of our imaginations; situations that familiarized us with everyday life and helped us learn to interact like normal people. That’s before “normal” became a slur of course!! 

Kids Need DANGEROUS GamesOur kids need dangerous games, I miss ‘em. Especially the granddaddy of all dangerous games…Lawn darts! Anyone living today under the age of 25 wouldn’t believe that we once lived in a country where the whole family played a game involving foot-long, 6 pound darts that were slung underhand towards your opponent’s ring in order to land spear-end into the earth. This was a game where if you weren’t paying attention you didn’t lose points… you lost your cerebral cortex! This was a game the whole family could enjoy… If you could keep them alive! 

I believe the 70’s was the beginning of the end of actually having fun as a child. We were making the transition from “buyer beware” to “buyer retain legal representation”.

Today, every game and sport runs the risk of being rewritten in the likeness of the progressive wuss. A football play will eventually no longer end with a tackle but with the defense reasoning with the running back to give himself up. The winner of Monopoly will be the guy that shames the owner of Boardwalk to get woke and give away the property you don’t deserve to somebody in more need which fortuitously always seems to be another progressive. Yeah folks, I miss the days when you actually had to earn your childhood or you didn’t survive.

Man, who’s ready for a dodge ball game? 

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