An Interview with “Nothing”
I’d like to introduce our Metahuman Reporter, Thor Ramsey, who has the power to interview things other reporters can’t!
Why? Well, consider this the ultimate “why not”. Thor, what do you have for us this week?
THOR RAMSEY: Thanks, Brad. I’m here to interview nothing. This could be a tough interview.
NOTHING: I do a lot of that.
THOR: A lot of what?
NOTHING: Nothing.
THOR: How are you talking to me if you are nothing?
NOTHING: I’m all in your head.
THOR: Wait… If nothing is in my head, then… I think I just got slammed by Nothing.
NOTHING: Oh, I’m all you have to look forward to. You should embrace me. Prep your children for me.
THOR: How do you take, “Live for Today, for Tomorrow You Die” and turn that into a heart warming children’s book. If all there is is nothing, who gives a flying ruckus?
NOTHING: Hey! There’s a title for a new atheistic children’s book… “The Flying Ruckus: Just Give Me A Reason to Care When There Is Nothing”.
THOR: Yeah… nothing… not even good jokes, apparently. I don’t understand Nothing.
NOTHING: Obviously.
THOR: Where do these things come from? For instance, evolution… evolution doesn’t give things out. Evolution isn’t Santa Claus. Santa Claus isn’t even Santa Claus.
NOTHING: But wouldn’t Stephen Hawking have looked cute in an elf outfit?
THOR: What about morality? If you’re all there is, why does anything matter?
NOTHING: No one wants to live in a society where everyone is murdering everyone else.
THOR: Well, I suppose that depends on what neighborhood you grow up in.
NOTHING: That’s true. I guess there are parts of San Bernardino County where murder is a way of life. Kinda like the old west… with semi-automatic weapons and plastic explosives.
THOR: Here’s the thing: Nice suburban atheists are propagating a nice suburban atheism… they love their children as if they mean it, they lend their rakes to their neighbors, they give to charity…
NOTHING: I’ll bet some even celebrate Christmas. But, they fail to face the implications of their beliefs… you’re never going to get that rake back.
THOR: Atheist Sam Harris argues for a morality without God on the basis of reason… something he can’t even see. I guess we all believe something… even if it’s Nothing.
NOTHING: Did we learn nothing from Seinfeld? So, don’t complain about injustice and suffering that job is already taken… by Bono.
THOR: The reality is: Sincere atheism breeds despair. If you’re waiting for nothing, you’re going to be disappointed.