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The first home we bought was a fixer upper. Not that everything in it had to be redone but we wanted to make it our own so there was a lot of changes and repairing to do. The walls were ok but they had some dings and dents so we wanted to repair them and paint them with fresh new colors. The kitchen cabinets were ok but we wanted new and clean. The old brown carpet definitely had to go. We fixed, repaired and changed what we didn’t like into something that we did like.
The same can be said for relationships; they need maintenance and repair work sometimes. And sometimes-big changes need to take place. It takes physical work to change how a house looks to make it your home. When relationships have deteriorated, work is required to rebuild and repair them – and you don’t get a local anesthetic for the heart while it’s happening! The truth is, we live in a world of decay or atrophy, a world where things naturally deteriorate over time unless measures are taken to protect them. And this is especially true of relationships. When measures aren’t taken to keep a relationship alive and vibrant, repair may be needed.
A crucial way to prevent deterioration in your relationship is to be honest with your partner.
Being honest doesn’t mean you need to be critical though. Telling your partner everything that is wrong with him or her (or their children for that matter) will create a rift; honesty without empathy or kindness is a weapon, not a form of communication. So this is about being truthful in terms of how issues are affecting you.
So when REPAIR is needed, it starts with expressing how issues affect you so they can be worked through rather than ignoring them and hoping they will go away. A successful communication skill is to state what is going on and how it affects you.
“When ______ happens, I feel ________.”
An example: When you side with your child without hearing from me too, I feel angry, left out and unimportant.
Repairing things sometimes involves taking them apart before putting them back together with new pieces. Your relationship may need to be put back together with new agreements, skills and strategies. While you may feel vulnerable doing this, it will help you to create intimacy in your relationship. In the above example, the couple needs to become a unified team and stand together. They can choose to repair what has been damaged.
If you need some tools to help repair a damaged relationship,
You can please contact me at nouveaulifecoaching.com. We all need help at times; there is absolutely no shame in that.
My book can also be purchased at my website.