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Confrontation needs to be empowering for the survivor and not a re-enactment of old abusive patterns. There are safety measures which need to be put in place such as having the abuser come in to the therapist’s office or location that provides safety and support for you.

 

Many abusers fear confrontation from their victims. Like bullies, abusers are effective in their power only as long as the person they are controlling is unable or unwilling to fight back, stand up or reject the demands of the abusive person.

The decision to confront an abuser should not be taken lightly. It generally needs to be preceded by careful preparation, including disclosure to a supportive person and exploration of the best ways to confront to ensure safety and positive results. The considerations for a disclosure to trusted people, therapists, coach, or at least someone who can stand in a position of strength with you and give you support…This all should be examined prior to having a confrontation.

Taking inventory to assess if you are truly ready to take this next step.

Here are some things to ask yourself: 

  • Have I made an inventory of the problem areas in my adult life?
  • Have I identified the parts of myself connected to self-sabotage?
  • Can I control my anger and find healthy outlets for my aggression?
  • Can I identify faulty beliefs and distorted perceptions in myself and others?
  • Am I facing my shame and developing self-compassion?
  • Do I accept that I have the right to be who I want to be and live the way I want to live.
  • Am I able to grieve my childhood and mourn the loss of those who failed me?

Most people think confrontation must be face to face. This is potentially the most rewarding but also the most risky. Sometimes, the confrontation can be best done via a letter or phone call and later, if appropriate, in person.

Sometimes the abuser has died.   There are so many ways to work through the anger and confront in any given situation.   I had one client who was able to go to her Dads grave and pour out her heart of pain, yell and scream, and generally tell him all the pain he caused her…in the end of her letting her pain out, she was able to let it go, forgive and move on.  The important thing is to find a way to let it all go and this step is important in the process.

For more information about Dixie’s ministry, visit: www.ReflectionsOfGraceHome.com