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Step four– 

  • Establishing the Perpetrator as the only one Responsible 
  • — 100% accountable,– →         Establishing yourself, the Victim,  as innocent.  Nothing you did as a child made this happen.  It was your violaters choice to violate you.

I highly recommend when you start sharing your heart with a counselor please pick one whose expertise is in this area..someone who has been there and is now healed and helping others.

Remember friends, satan lacks the authority to lock believers in a prison of oppression, so he works overtime to talk us into staying in our prisons of the past.  He can presume no authority over believers.  He woos us into our prison cells through our thought life,  but he can’t make us enter nor force us to stay. We need to learn how to take every thought captivity that he throws into our minds and replace it with what God says about us.   But if we don’t take a stand against him through availing ourselves to God’s many promises to us through His word, through relationship, and time with him, we become satans easy prey.  Satan can strongly encourage ideas doubts an thoughts in our minds.  2 Cor. 11:1-3 says our minds can be corrupted and seduced from wholehearted and sincere and pure devotion to Christ.  We need to guard our minds so we can progress into the healing that Jesus provided for us  from our pasts.

 

Generally, unhealed survivors of sexual abuse cannot comprehend that their lives really can be better. The betrayal, fear, poor self-image, guilt and shame are all the result of being abused. The abuse itself is never the fault of the victim. Most abusers attempt to cast blame upon the victim in order to make themselves feel better, and to avoid going to jail…but the sexual abuse of a child, teen, or even an young adult is never ever the fault of the victim. Many abusers are very good at “brain washing” their victims. Struggling with our belief system is not easy, but once you find the truth, hold onto it. You need to have a healthy support system in place early in your healing process so others can help you find the truth.

Freedom comes in so many forms…. it is sometimes amazing to watch a survivor who sees the truth for the first time. There is such a feeling of joy and lightheartedness that overtakes you, but it does take a while to get there so give yourself a lot of room.

Freedom to trust another human being is just huge. When we are able to allow others to come alongside us in this journey, we open the door to even more freedom. Allowing safe people into our world is so important. It is especially good to be in coaching, therapy, or a supportive group for a while so we can practice relating to people who have our best interest at heart. This is not an easy step and there will be a lot of “push-pull” along the way. Most people who are trained to work with survivors know this and are really good about staying in relationship through this period of upheaval.

Recovery is a process; it takes a lot of time, patience and commitment. Most people who have never suffered from abuse cannot comprehend how long it takes to recover. It generally takes a lifetime of reprogramming the mind, will and emotions out from the coping skills we had in place that may not be healthy for us now…, but there is so much improvement over the months and years of hard work, that we begin to move into great freedom early in our recovery process. Every plateau we reach is a time for celebration! Do something kind for yourself or celebrate the occasion with your spouse or friend by going out to dinner together. This is a great way to celebrate your accomplishments and to include others  in the process of recovery as well.

Remember that the abuse was not your fault – it does not mean that you are trashy, dirty, or bad. The shame you feel is misplaced and should be the shame felt by your attacker and not you.

Don’t tell yourself that “you should be over it by now.” The sexual abuse occurred during a pivotal time in your life, it disrupted normal childhood development, and it destroyed your childhood.  It is called soul murder for a reason.

But:  the words says

Is. 61:1:  The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,

Freedom for the captives!!!!!  Jesus came and paid the price for your freedom…

Take the time you need to mourn the loss of your childhood, the loss of your innocence, the loss of trust. Acknowledge that these losses occurred and take the time you need to grieve each of them.

Do not rush the grieving process – all of those feelings have been suppressed for so long that it will take a good deal of time to work through them.

Tell yourself that you are strong, and you will become something better than your abuser tried to make you.

Get to know yourself, mentally and physically. Reclaim your body as your own. Baby steps. Always baby steps. Celebrate your progress no matter how big or small it is!!
In order for me to heal, the first step in the process was to acknowledge the heinous crime that occurred.

Taking your Power Back From The Predator is a huge step in the healing process!!

The survivor must take back the power that the predator stole away when they abused us. How this is accomplished is by using the first two steps to reestablish your self-esteem. Once your esteem has been regained, then you have the strength to say to that person that attacked you, you no longer have the ability to control the outcome of my life. For too long my life has been a reaction to what occurred – from now on, I decide how to act, rather than react.

You are now a grown man/woman who has the tools to work through your healing process. Although what you went through is arguably the worst thing any child can endure, you now are gaining the tools to grow and heal and may no longer blame anyone else for your actions. It is your life, not your assailants. You have taken back the power that they stole and you are in charge of your life.
Now you have the ability to move forward to help others who have been through the same thing – this will continue to help you heal, and as has been shown, no one can help a survivor like another survivor.

As one person, you cannot change the world…but you can change the world of one person.

Generational patterns…. Jesus came to set us free to break evil family patterns once and for all.  And he has called YOU to do it!!!  With this knowledge comes responsibility to seek healing not only for you, but for future generations.

 

Your life is a story.  It’s one worth telling.  And further healing is always worth asking for. If you don’t have someone safe to entrust your story to, ask God to bring them. And by the way, a perfectly safe person to tell your story to is Jesus.