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Step 3:  ALLOWING THE FEELINGS TO EMERGE

Allowing  your feelings both past and present to emerge in a safe environment…..allowing your child within to express previously suppressed emotions.

The effects of childhood sexual abuse on one’s development is profound. Dealing with it, especially as an adult, is critical. The statistics on Abuse are staggering.

  • 1 in 3 women report a history of childhood sexual abuse,
  • 1 in 11 men report a history of childhood sexual abuse.

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The common long-term effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse include:

  • Low self-esteem
  • Trust issues
  • Intimacy difficulties
  • Alcohol and drug abuse
  • Dissociation
  • Sleep disturbances
  • Eating disorders
  • Sexual disorders
  • Revictimization
  • Cutting

Feelings can be expressed by finding others who will listen to your story sympathetically and help you express yourself. Writing down what you feel can help – many survivors find it helpful to write down their feelings in the form of a letter or in journaling – you don’t have to send it.

There are activities that can help relieve pent up feelings of anger and again journaling is the most valuable…at least it was for me, but also- exercise, sports, or simply going somewhere private to reflect on it all.

Grief can be relieved by allowing time to reflect as well and by expressing the sadness. You may fear that once you allow these feelings to emerge they may take you over. We are so used to the pain we don’t want to step outside of our comfort zone into the unknown.   But if at some point we don’t decide to trust God in letting go, we will stay in this place of pain and shadows.  This is a natural fear; however in fact the opposite tends to be the case – once a feeling is allowed adequate expression it becomes more easy to control.

Past generations most often chose to cover up or deny the existence of childhood sexual abuse. This policy of silence and the resulting ignorance of the devastating consequences of childhood sexual exploitation created an environment that allowed the abuse to proliferate.

The suffering continues throughout one’s life unless dealt with in these steps.

Many adults who were sexually abused as children experience depression, anxiety and in some instances an overwhelming sense of panic. They may also be prone to nightmares and flashbacks. Many suffer from stomach disturbances, chronic bladder and yeast infections.

Memories and emotions associated with sexual trauma are stored within the body. We may feel tense and irritable as the feelings and memories begin to surface. Many cope by pushing the feelings back down inside of themselves. And the cycle continues

Some people experience full and vivid recall of what happened, and as I shared earlier, this was the case with me.  But then there are others who cannot access fragments of memory. Feelings and memories usually become more accessible as we move further along in our healing process.   

Memories may first appear as fleeting images or flashbacks. Many doubt the validity of these memories as they begin to surface. Survivors may even question their own sanity in some instances.

Survivors of childhood sexual trauma often disconnect from their feelings. The pain and confusion they internalize interferes with their own natural protective mechanisms. As a result they are more likely to misread or completely miss cues from others that would alert them to potential dangers. Their deep emotional wounds can also create a vulnerability that makes them even more susceptible to further acts of physical or sexual violence. 

Open communication can help to minimize the hurt, frustration and feelings of rejection. Healing takes place as we allow ourselves to be open and vulnerable to those whom we chose to be close to. We do that by learning to share our feelings, communicate our needs and to help others understand what we’re going through. This helps us to gradually increase our tolerance for intimacy.

The secret to overcoming is relationship with a very real Jesus.

Sometimes it’s hard to put words to the deepest longings of our soul—think of this picture…

I see intimacy, ecstasy…the absolute, total joy of a baby who delights in his mama!!   For a child there is no sin, no brokenness, settling for second best or holding back.  He can experience his mamas love, sharing in the adventure of being alive and dependent, safe, free.   This is what God wants for us today.   He wants us to be so dependant on him we can just trust him to know how to take care of us, and heal us from the deepest parts of our hearts.

Why not carve out some time and ask God to help you remember? What was your childhood like? What do you remember even now? What did you love, dream of, play, feel, believe before you were violated?   If, like me, you have no memory of ever doing anything but trying to survive.  Then invite Jesus into your memory and into your perception of your youth. And ask him—where were you, God?  Some of you may know the answer immediately.  For those of you that don’t know, keep asking.  He will tell you. 

Your life is a story.  It’s one worth telling.  And further healing is always worth asking for. If you don’t have someone safe to entrust your story to, ask God to bring them. And by the way, a perfectly safe person to tell your story to is Jesus. 

 

You can learn more about Dixie’s ministry at www.ReflectionsOfGraceHome.com