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There are five basic parenting styles. The key to effective stepfamily blending is first recognizing what your current styles are; second changing your own to a more healthy style; and third make sure that you and your spouse utilize the same style.
1) Authoritarian: Rigid rules and expectations are strictly enforced. Obedience is expected and demanded. Now, we all need house rules and obedience is a must, but taken to extremes, this style will cause incredible amounts of stress, grief and detachment in the parents and children alike.
2) Permissive: The children’s preferences take priority over the parents’ ideals. Reasonable behavior standards are often tossed out the window. Rules and expectations are inconsistent and easily manipulated by the children in order to get what they want.
3) Rejecting: The children’s needs are rejected but the parent still holds high expectations on how the children should behave. These families usually exhibit very low emotional connection and the children are often unsure if they are, in fact, loved.
4) Uninvolved: Neglectful parents often ignore the children and let them do whatever they want, as long as it doesn’t interfere with the parents’ activities. Similar to parents with rejecting parenting styles, these parents are often emotionally uninvolved. The main difference being that these parents do not have many rules or expectations.
5) Authoritative: Clear rules, expectations and limits are established. They are consistent and the children know what to expect. The children’s opinions are acknowledged and valued, but reason and parental power are used to enforce the parents’ standards. Flexibility and emotional closeness are hallmarks of these loving relationships. Obviously, this is the style of parenting we should strive for.
Remember it is up to each parent to change his or her style. You cannot force your spouse to change.
For more tips on how to successfully blend your stepfamily, visit www.nouveaulifecoaching.com.