What does it mean, biblically, to be a good mother? What does God expect of women in this ancient and essential role that women have been undertaking since the earliest of times? Perhaps much of it comes naturally and intuitively, but there is also much to be understood from the guidance that God gives to women in His word. In many ways, God takes on the characteristics of perfect motherhood Himself. There are five key areas where a mother plays a critical part in her child’s development:
1. Leadership in the Home
“Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Proverbs 31:25-30 ESV
This may seem like an impossibly high standard, but it gets to the heart of a godly mother– her family is blessed by her. Motherly leadership is different than fatherly leadership, just as husband and wife have different roles in the marriage. But just because the father is head of the household does not mean the mother doesn’t have a say in how her kids are raised. They are a team, and each takes on different responsibilities depending on their strengths and weaknesses. Both have the responsibility to raise their children in the way of truth and love. As long as both mother and father are displaying the ways of Christ in their everyday lives, they are practicing good leadership in the home.
For example, the mother may take on the more traditional role of staying home with the kids during the day, cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry. As long as she is doing it with a cheerful and giving heart, she is showing great leadership. Or she may be the breadwinner of the family, going off to work every day while the father stays home with the kids, and this is also godly leadership by providing financially for her family. There is no one right way for a mother to lead, as long as she is doing so in love. For many women including myself, this takes off a great pressure to feel like we have to fit into a certain stereotype of motherhood or be able to “do it all.” God gives us so much freedom in how we parent.
2. Spiritual Nourishment
“But he answered, ‘It is written, “‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’” Matthew 4:4 ESV
Another critical role of the godly mother is nourishing her children with the word of God and immersing them in an environment that will sustain their spiritual growth. Again, this can take on many forms but may look like leading a family devotion each morning after breakfast, helping the kids memorize scriptures, and getting them involved with the local Sunday school or youth groups. It means centering the home around Christ and facilitating the spiritual health of every member of the family. Of course the father is involved in this as well, but many mothers have more influence or time to spend one-on-one with each child in their spiritual development.
Mothers’ bodies are designed by God to nourish. From the beginning of life in the womb her placenta provides her baby with all the nutrients it needs, and then her body continues to care for the baby through breastfeeding after birth. The bond that is fostered through birth between mother and child is like no other; because of this she is specially equipped to provide spiritual nourishment to her child as well. Just as her body provides physical milk, she provides spiritual milk to her babes until it is time for solid food. Even if she didn’t physically birth her children, she still has this essential role. Children are more influenced by their mother than perhaps anyone else in their lives, and therefore it is the mother’s responsibility to make sure her children are well-nourished in the faith.
3. Discipleship
“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6 ESV
Alongside spiritual nourishment, children need to be discipled. Merriam-Webster defines a disciple as “one who accepts and assists in spreading the doctrines of another.” In terms of Christianity, this means mothers must not only pour into their children through teaching and displaying Christ in their own lives, but also teach them how to be people who pour into others. When they are young they must be taught in the way of truth so that they can then go out into the world and spread that truth to others. Spiritual nourishment and discipleship go hand-in-hand; you cannot have one without the other. Mothers nourish their children so they may become disciples, but they cannot become disciples without constantly being nourished. And if they are only nourished but not discipled, their faith will become stale and stagnant, because the fruit of spiritual nourishment is discipleship.
Children are naturally self-centered, so if a mother can teach her children from a young age that the world is not about them and that there are other people out there that need to be loved and shown truth, they will be equipped to be good disciples in the long run. I wish my parents had instilled that in me during my childhood because then I would have been better prepared for the harsh reality I encountered when I discovered everything was not about me. If we can train kids up in the way of truth and help them fight against their natural inclination to be selfish (which is human nature in general), we will be building the next generation of true disciples.
4. Organizational Development
“But all things should be done decently and in order.” 1 Corinthians 14:40
God is a God of order! Organization and structure are a must for kids–without it they will not grow in discipline or be able to make sense of the world around them properly. Kids have no natural sense of structure or discipline; it must be taught. This begins at an early age and can look like dividing up the day into different times for different activities such as mealtimes, playtimes, and times for learning (about the Bible or other subjects). It is up to the discretion of the parents to structure this time, as long as some structure is in place. That’s not to say it should be rigid–life happens and emergencies arise and vacations ensue, but there should be a general sense of what each day looks like for your kids so they can know what to expect.
Even if structure isn’t your thing (it’s definitely not mine!) it truly is critical to your kids’ development, so having good habits in place for yourself as well can make it that much easier to provide it for your kids. Kids observe their parents’ behavior and imitate what they see–so if you have good habits like getting up early each morning to read your Bible and exercising certain times of the week, the kids will notice and follow suit. This can seem daunting on those days when you’re quite not feeling up to it, but I promise the routine you follow for yourself and provide for your children will pay off handsomely as your kids grow up to be mature and independent people.
5. Finding Identity in Christ
“For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.” Colossians 3:3 ESV
What a woman places her identity in is perhaps the most important factor in her mothering. If she does not know that her identity is in Christ, her foundation for motherhood crumbles. If God sets the terms for motherhood, then she must define her worth by Him. It is God alone who gives her the strength to get through the wearying and often burdensome days of raising children. He is the one who enables her to provide strong leadership, spiritual nourishment, discipleship, and organizational development to her children. He is the one who sustains her when the tasks of daily life become altogether too much, which they often will. Her identity must be secure in Him, or she will lose hope when her children don’t obey her, cause trouble, become ill, or the multitude of other life circumstances that can throw us off course. A mother must first and foremost know she is a beloved daughter of God, and when her children see she is secure in her identity they will become secure in theirs as well.
As someone who has struggled with this concept since adolescence, I’ve come to realize how foundational it truly is to know my worth in Christ. When my little one is born I want to have that strong foundation in place so I am not susceptible to all the attacks on my worth as a mother that I’m sure the enemy will throw at me. When I listen to who God says I am, I know I am loved, which enables me to live into my full potential as a mother and a daughter of the King.
We grow up with constant attacks on our identity–if it is not secure from early on we are more susceptible to put it into anything and everything that the culture tells us to–even into our own kids. When a woman knows who she is, her children are blessed.
Resources:
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/disciple
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- Ask Pastor John: What If I Ruin My Kids?
- Simply Joyful Podcast: How to Give Ourselves Grace in Motherhood with Ruth Schwenk
- Simply Joyful Podcast: Enjoying the Everyday Moments of Motherhood with Nichole Nordeman
- Real Stuff My Dad Says 49: Safe Families
