Brad Stine Has Issues: Homeschooling vs. Public Schools

Now it’s time for Truth vs. the World: True stories about the world we live in… and why that’s a problem (we need to make fun of things so that we can then try to fix them).

I read where a Tucson sports columnist felt that home-schooled kids shouldn’t be allowed to participate in local sports because “they have more time to practice.”

This makes perfect sense.

Perhaps tall people shouldn’t be allowed to play basketball because they have an unfair advantage.

Home schooling does have an unfair advantage, though, because the parent of the student is sleeping with the principal. So, we got that in common with public schools.

Along with a team of experts (I knew those voices would come in handy one day), I will help you make a very tough decision: homeschool versus public school?

Some things you should consider when deciding between homeschool and public school:

First, does your child know everything already? If so, then send him off to work to help support the family. What’s this kid doing in any school?

Second, does your child have a high tolerance for pain? If your child doesn’t bruise easily then public school is certainly a good option, because your child will be abused and beaten by children from every tongue, tribe and nation in your local public school. Why? Inclusion.

Now let’s look at the pros and cons of each system.

Pros of Public School:

If you have a busy schedule then public schools are a wonderful option because they have a powerful teacher’s union which makes parents unnecessary.
Learning within a hostile environment while fearing for her life can only help your child in her ability to focus in any situation.
Extracurricular activity, including but not limited to tagging.
Diverse social education, meaning that your child will learn things from other children that you would have never taught them.

Cons of Public School:

Recent college graduates with no children of their own who have been tossed into a room of forty-plus students with nothing but a number two pencil and their teaching credential.
Homework! So, you really end up homeschooling anyway.
Tattoos during recess.

Pros of Homeschool:

Less chance of being tardy.
Your kid’s teacher is married to the principal.
If their lunch money is stolen, it stays in the family.

Cons of Homeschool:

You have to raise your children.
If your home is ever invaded by a street gang your child will be less prepared on how to handle himself.

Regardless of your choice, the important thing to remember is that the wrong choice will cause irreparable psychological damage to your child. So, choose wisely. But, how could you? You weren’t homeschooled.