God has used my wife and son to reveal things to me that are within me that I didn’t have a clue were there. For instance, I thought I was a gentle and nice person until my son brought out anger issues in me that I wasn’t ever aware of. He was able to get me angrier than anyone else on earth by the time he was just three-years-old!
God said, “It’s not your son, Craig… it’s Me. I put him in your life to reveal things to you that I hate. And when these things come to the surface, until you take ownership of them and repent for them and ask for Me to change you… YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE! And, you won’t have a relationship with your son, either. It’s up to you, Craig. Surrender or suffer.”
We don’t like hearing those words.
There are a lot of Christians who think, “But, since I’m a Christian, aren’t I supposed to be happy?”
Yes. Yes you are. But not your way. We’re selfish. Our hearts can’t be trusted, so we NEED to turn to God’s word to find out how our hearts need to be transformed so that God can be glorified in us and through us. THAT’S when we will find joy and happiness!
You see, if we are to glorify (or reflect) God, then we need to live like Jesus did. Consider John 6:38 –
“For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me.”
Glorifying God also means doing His will – living out His purpose through our lives.
One of those purposes, when it comes to marriage is: Meeting Each Other’s Companionship Needs
The only way we can truly and perfectly do this is not by following our own inclinations, but by looking at Scripture and following God’s guide. God desires a unique relationship in marriage as one spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, and sexually as companions to our mate fulfilling the companionship needs of each other.
And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” (Genesis 2:18)
Let’s look more closely at what this means:
Helper = one who surrounds, protects, aids and helps another.
Comparable = one who is the counterpart; a mate or companion who is similar, but not identical.
Now, think about that: We are not supposed to conform to each other, meaning wives are not supposed to act and think like their husbands; nor should husbands be required to act and think like their wives.
God is actually saying that we each need to adapt to the uniqueness of our spouse’s needs.
God wants to make us a matched pair that meets the companionship needs of one another according to His Word and through the power of His Holy Spirit. He wants us to be a companion and friend with a depth of intimacy that supports and builds a relationship as being one.
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Matthew 19:5-6)
You see? God desires us to become one with our spouse. It is so wonderful when you grow in your intimacy and your relationship with your husband or wife… so much so, that you know what each other are thinking!
That’s what God wants!
When you constantly grow more and more intimate and you learn what each other’s needs are, you will find you and your spouse meeting one another’s needs on a constant basis… even before those needs are requested!
When God looks upon you after you are married, He sees you and your spouse as one. The journey is to learn how to see and treat one another as God sees us – as one. Not as two independent individuals.
The problem is that too many of us think and treat one another in a very independent way and this really destroys your relationship.
- Blending Your StepFamily 15: Resentment in the Couple Relationship
- Blending Your StepFamily: The Hidden Dangers of Resentment, Part 2
- Family Discipleship Mini-Cast 6: We CANNOT Love Our Spouse On Our Own
- Family Discipleship Mini-Cast 12: Communication Matters REALLY MATTER!
- Blending Your StepFamily 50: Parent As A Team